What is this Birthday nonsense?

I was asking my friend what he is planning to do for his birthday and he told me he thought birthdays were  kinda stupid. The more I thought about it the more I agreed. So while waiting for my stupid bus to take me to my stupid college, I typed this out.  Now I’m posting it, my bus is here, okay bye.

Hey you! Birthday Boy.

You’re one year old. It’s your birthday. Your parents have called every relative of theirs(equal numbers from dad’s and mom’s sides) ,a number of office friends who’ll remind you of this years later, the entire apartment (and all their relatives also). There are huge Mickey mouse cakes, uncomfortable, pointy hats with rubber twines that cut into your grandad’s triple chins and neck fat, and atleast three handheld video cameras. Everyone’s having a great time. You, on the other hand, still shit your pants and lack the mental development to even understand that watery poopoo not equal to sambar rice, let alone appreciate the love and feel special. You cry, puke, and cry some more.

You’re eight years old. Your best friend that you absolutely love(in a friendly way, don’t mistake) just had his birthday party in pizza hut. There were party games, return gifts(wtf), and ball pits. Also pizza. You ask your parents to throw you a big party like that. They politely ask you to go back to sucking on your thumb and buy you the same Mickey mouse cake. Three friends turn up, you know it’s because they are Mickey mouse fans. You hate your parents, Mickey mouse, and your bestfriend(in a friendly way,don’t mistake). You throw a tantrum till they throw a big party for your next birthday. Congrats, your father’s one month salary is now spent on balls(for pizza hut). forty kids turn up this year. You know about ten of them. They all expect return gifts(wtf) Welcome to the real world.

You’re seventeen now. You are in twelfth grade, have a horrible haircut, and shave seven times a week for absolutely no reason. You have planned surprise parties for all your friends so that they’ll throw one for you. You expect something big, they have to spend atleast 5K for you to break even. It’s tough business, these birthdays. Three friends turn up at your place. They got you a cake. What it’s not is costly; what it is is butterscotch(yuck). You act pleasantly surprised though you’re neither pleasant nor surprised. You feel disappointed. You feel lonely. You feel like the opposite of special. You post a photo on Facebook and get some likes. Your self esteem gets a boost but doesn’t learn that pride cometh before the fall. A photo of your classmate’s new nail polish gets more likes. You tell yourself it’s because she is a girl. You tell yourself it’s the wrong shade of pink for her. You tell yourself that people would care if you put nailpolish too. But at the same time you wave your self-esteem bye-bye.

You’re twenty. You’re in college. You’ve tried and tried and finally become cool by brute force. You have a ‘gang’ that insists that birthdays must be spent by accelerating the death of your liver. Fleeting happiness comes with the first bottle, half your friends pass out on the second, the rest leave after the third. You sit there silently suffering from existential crisis. You try and fail to come to terms with the only identity you have: A mediocre nihilist. Afraid to care. You still don’t feel special. You wonder what everyone celebrates year after year. You decide that birthdays are stupid.

Hey you. Happy birthday.

 

 

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Dei Barber Bhaiyya!

I think there should be some amendment thingy in the constitution that says: parents and teachers should not have the right to force you to cut your hair. 

Hmm… maybe I’ll put Facebook petition and make people sign. #ActivistDude

First off, all these public speaking courses and all are okay, what I really need is one barber speaking course. No, seriously. You put me in a room full of beautiful girls and nicely I’ll talk all day long, but if you leave me inside salon without my Amma Appa, I’ll just sit there and stare at that one TV in the corner playing Saravanan meenakshi on star vijay(will they get married, will they not? suspense is too much ya!), but seriously, can you put me in a room full of beautiful girls? Seriously.

Only some one year back I picked up the courage to talk to barbers, so this time when I went I had already sat down with my Saetu friend and practiced my instructions in Hindi for that guy. So the minute I saw him I just felt like I was back in 9th grade 2nd language Hindi class, vomiting my mugged up essay about how ‘gow hamara maatha hai!’

So i walked inside and saw that barber bhaiyya. He only has one vomit-inducing haircut that 3rd graders call spikes. with what confidence I’m going to him god only knows. Anyways I’ll immediately launch into one 2 minute breathless speech that Shankar mahadevan would’ve been proud of – “bhaiyya, aap side mein under ko cut karke, upperberth se 3-2-1 ka fade karvaalo aur uski baadh back my machine math daalneka, hair ko medium long 4.34 inches rakhdhena bahuth bahuth shukriya.

All this he will listen in one ear and leave out of the other like I’m some substitute teacher asking class to be silent. Then he will sit me down, wrap a white cloth around me, and just whistle. All of this he will do slowly, but semma speed-a he will take scissors and go fizzk-fizzk-fizzk and next second my seat will look like some Tarantino movie with hair instead of blood, and sometimes blood also.

Barbers have their own special language where long means short and medium means short and short also means short, basically everything means short and he is a choothiya. I’m sure my Amma gave him secret instructions to do this. So what if she is all the way in Bangalore and I got haircut in Calicut, this is all her conspiracy, I just knewed it!

Throughout this tragedy ill just be sitting there, staring at my reflection, watching the tears flow down my cheeks like tiny drops of regret, flowing down my ..um.. cheeks, only breaking eye contact with myself when he snips threateningly at my ear or manhandles my head and I hear some krrrkmrukk cracking sound from my neck.

Listen: These guys are evil. Barbers are predators who capitalize on the insecurities that every single person has- the knowledge that deep down, all of us believe we are super-duper ugly. He will ask you if you want special ayurvedic facewash to clear your blackheads; that your oily face requires this lotion from the Nile River of the Amazon jungles; and he will ask you to shave your non-existent, pre-pubescent beard. Then he will charge you 3500 rupees and make you thank him for getting rid of blackheads, dandruff, oily T zones and a lack of insecurities that you didn’t know you had until half an hour ago. whatte-wow-strategy. Self-help book writers take note!

After all this torture I sent a picture to Amma and she took one long look at it and said- what is this? He didn’t cut only or what! It still looks like a kuruvi koodu.

Ada ponga boss, IAmcannotabletotakeit.

#BoysAgainstBarbers

 

 

 

 

 

5 mark question- Briefly describe the awesome side of the Internet.

There are some words which we can never fully understand in English, one of them is ‘briefly’. during school exams, whenever there is a question that says ‘briefly’ explain something, We ALWAYS look at the marks allotted for the question and answer accordingly.

The answer to  “Briefly explain the origin of the word ‘Fuck'”can either be a 3 page long essay describing how it is derived from either the german word fockka or actually stands for F.U.C.K – “Fornicating Under Consent of King”(readmore) – if its a 10 mark question or simply some small paragraph answer- if its a 2 mark question.

No idea why I just wrote that.

well, This is a 5 mark question.

Q. Briefly describe the awesome side of the internet.

Ans. The internet, which in itself is a pretty awe-inspiring place, has certain parts of it that are very highly awesomatically amazing. The following are some of my favorite parts of the internet, which(though kinda damn famous) some of you might not have heard of :

  • WaitButWhy– Probably one of the best blog/websites I’ve come across. Tim urban writes very long very very informative very very very humorous posts. If youve seen his ted talk on procrastination, then you’ll know who he is. taking complicated topics and breaking it down perfectly and putting it out there in an EASILY-UNDERSTANDABLE-way-that-doesn’t-bore-your-pants-off is this fellows specialty. I recommend these three posts for any new readers – AILazyPeopleReadThisGenYyuppies. and actually all his posts. bloody amazing stuff.
  • TheOatmeal– There is something so genuine and brilliant about his comics that just makes you feel all LightHeadedTypes after reading them. These are two comics that everyone must read. WhyIrunUnhappiness.
  • Zen Pencils– This ultra cool cartoonist fellow  makes comic stories out of famous quotes of famous people like stephen king, Abdul kalam, Louis Ck  etc etc. I love this simply because I Love Quotes. The fact that someone can basically craft words and put them together with brilliant economy and convey so much depth in so few words, is goddamn amazing. Here’s a quote about quotes. ” Anything that can be put in a nutshell, must stay there.” (shantaram)
  • Nerdwriter/every frame a painting/Lessons from the screenplay– these are three Vlog type channels that i recently came across which made me very interested in films and the entire process of film making and all the amazing details that one can include in a film- as a result, i sort of hate many Tamil movies now, danmnnit. But seriously though, watch these- PrestigeMarvelMusicJokerIs2Cool .
  • Last but in no way the least; In fact this is probably the best of them all: Grave Mistake, Bra Now is Stuck– This is my all time favourite video on youtube, i could feel my soul being lifted up to heaven while i watched this.I found it very annoying that when while videos like eye to eye and vennu malesh are being celebrated,This one hasnt quite gotten the attention it deserves.Also this is soo much more funnier than that SUPER-SHITTY-‘PPAP’-BULLSHIT. I shall not spoil this for anyone, just know that if you don’t watch this now, and tomorrow you die by some accident , your life would have been meaningless. Go ahead – attain moksha… and thank me later.

I just mentioned these because I hadn’t come across this stuff a while back and i I don’t think they are extremely popular though they ought to be. Some/many of you might have already come across these sites.Others might feel there are wayy better blogs/sites out there. if you like these kinda things and know of other sites similar to this, TELL ME.  passing time reading this kinda stuff is sort of my full time job, free time la I attend  college and have life etc etc.

alright sooo… Hence i would like to conclude that therefore  we have shown that the internet is a pretty amazing place, since RHS =LHS, hence proved.

 

Ta-Ta-Bye-Bye.

 

 

The Mentally Obese

The fat kid inside all of us…

err…that came out wrong. Never mind.

You know that moment when you feel some sort of overwhelming urge to ‘do’ something and then start introspecting/retrospecting  and realize  you have no idea what you want to do or what you are doing with your life and that nothing is clear anymore , there are layers of confusion that look like ooty-winter-fog types but is actually diwali-crackers-smog and you just decide to ” go with the flow” because it feels comfortable and there’s too much inertia to change… and then forget all about it by mindlessly scrolling through your FB news feed?

I wanna talk about that moment.

Yep I suck at introductions.

But recently, that sort of simple-harmonic-oscillation-between-self-loathing-induced-existential-crisis-followed-by-urge-to-do-shit-followed-by-pointless-time-wasting-on-social-media-followed-by-more-self-loathing…you get the point, see this had become my default mood a few months back. It reached a tipping point where the urge-to-do-shit coupled with the self-loathing-thingy pushed me enough to get over the worshtttu enemy of productivity: Inertia.

So while wasting 98.3% of my time thinking and questioning myself and every person i know about whether they feel like they’re “doing shit” in life, trying very hard not to sound like some self help/philosophy author dude who gives you 4-magic-mantras-of-successful-and-fulfilling -life, 3.999 of which will be so vague-like #BeYourself that you will end up more confused than you started. Paulo-Coehlo’s-alchemist left me like “wut?”

*side note: just wanna mention George Carlin’s witty af observation: ” if you’re looking for self help why would you read a book written by someone else? thats not self help , thats help!” whattewow!

So Allow me to pretend like I came up with my very own ultra original out of the box method of explaining my ideology by personifying the mind, a method which i definitely did not copy from my favorite blogs like waitbutwhy/Theoatmeal/hyperbole&ahalf.

Pffftt duh nope.

I like to think that inside our heads, there is this fellow who is like our mind-genie-thingy who takes care of all the shit that goes on in there. For me, it is this superhero called “Mind-Voice-Machan” I think that whenever people say they have an inner voice…. or their spiritual self… all that is kinda too cheesy so many of us aren’t comfortable with adopting such ideas without feeling like someone put 11.7kgs of jaggery down our throats.So instead let’s give it an immature persona so that we don’t feel like this is some deep soul searching stuff.

 

So mind voice machan!mvm.jpg

This fellow has a lot of superpowers you see, like…

You know when you are attempting to flirt with this aishwarya rai level figure, and then suddenly out of nowhere you say some kabir-ke-dohe-level-poetry surprising yourself more than her?

Or when you are writing chemistry exam,and you bullshit 3 pages while sounding like Stephen Hawking on steroids, but actually all you are trying to say is “since the electron is in the outermost orbit, distance increases, so ionization enthalpy decreases…hence Rhs=Lhs

Or when we wanna post a picture on facebook and we manage to come up with a witty caption that ensures we get maximum no. of likes and comments and with that the crucial but short lived  boost to our fragile egos.

All of that, full credits goes to MindVoiceMachan.

He is basically your creative genie. He is the pilot of the spaceship that is your mind, he is the force behind your life, the light at the end of the tunnel, he is the one that fits into any other  vague spiritual sounding analogies  that I can come up with.

okay basically I mean, He makes you the individual you are. He makes you Unique.

So far so good. Nice fellow he seems like no?

But, and this is a very huggeeee But, and the main part of my post-So i will give subheading and all. because I want to… but for lack of a title

The ‘BUT’

MVM gets his powers from the creative content that you consume. The books you read, the movies you watch, and of course, the people you interact with. And his diet was all nice healthy nutritious balanced diet and all.. until.. this facebook thing came along.

Now bloody, there is information overload .Everywhere on the screen , stuff is just thrown at you.And even off facebook-newspapers, TV and ofcourse WHATSAPP FORWARD GROUPS OMFG, everything is filled with excess of information that’s easily accessible and more often than not, thrust upon us without us demanding.

so this MVM is eating niceellly and becoming one fat fellow.

But its not just about the quantity, its about the quality.

And that’s where the Big But is.

The Big,Ugly & Hairy But.

but

The Quality of what we consume is absolutely terrible.

Substandard content like buzzfeed listicles , TimesOfIndia articles, 423 shitty movies which all have the same plot,same joke,same actor, but different heroine and seven lakh plus write ups about what virat kohli and anushka were fighting about , because celebrities private life must be celebrated.

I could even make a list of top hundred shitty websites which are purely dedicated to putting up clickbait posts..

And you wont believe what is no.4 on that list….

getit?! no? ok.

You see, your genie is addicted to eating junk food. lots and lots of it.

Mind-Voice-Machan is mentally obese.

captain america became captain underpants(just for the fitness analogy, all other ways captain Underpants is a rockzz!)

captains.png

And you know what they mean when they say garbage in garbage out right?!

not a rhetorical question, i seriously dont know…pliss tell. But it sounds like what Im trying to convey here; that if you consume shit, then what you give out is also prone to be shit.

I know your mind voice is going – “That and all is okay… now what to do?”

Simple.

What would you do if you are physically obese? work towards getting healthier.

same way its time to get our mentally obese machan back in shape. And after bashing the clickbait-listicle-sites and making a lame joke on that, I will proceed to make a list of 6 points about working against mental obesity, which I’m not able to put under a title and hence made this paragraph to divert your attention. moving on…

SUPER-COOL-LIST:

  1. CREATE: if consuming a lot of this junk makes us mentally obese, then the art of creating something- be it music, drawing, writing , talking or just anything original, is the mental equivalent of working out.
  2. BE CHOOSY AF ABOUT WHAT YOU CONSUME : I know , when it comes to food , eating healthy may not be such an exciting option, but when it comes to the creative content that you consume… Your taste is everything. It’s an amazing process-discovering what you like, and hence who you are. And when it comes to that, keep an open mind about everything you consume, but once you find out something is not for you- avoid it. and if something sparks your interest, for gods sake, be crazily-super-duper-passionate about it.
  3. DON’T BE A DICK: I do sort of believe that there is no ‘good art’ or ‘bad art’. what works for you might not work for someone else, so try to ease up on the criticism. there’s a thin line between constructive criticism and being a blind dick.I still don’t know why I used to randomly hate Justin Beiber and call him gay or say that he deserved to die. but admit it , we all have done that, and still do shit like that. Try to reason through any opinion to find out if it is truly yours or simply something you borrowed.
  4. LEVEL UP, NOT DOWN– While art is subjective, I do think that anything you consume should “Level Up” your MindVoiceMachan, Not lower him down. so when you find something grossly insulting to your intellect, please ffs avoid it.
  5. APPRECIATE: Once you start working out your MVM, its your duty to appreciate and encourage others who are trying to do the same. Speak freely and from the heart about anything which means a lot to you. Passion is like madras eye, one fellow gets means, soon entire class is gonna be wearing cooling glasses and looking full thug life video types. Being a positive influence on others and improving yourself are closely related to each other.
  6. ITS GONNA TAKE A WHILE:
    When we are fat, hitting the gym once ain’t gonna cut it. neither is dieting a day. yes, you could “try calling 22442424 to lose 7 kgs in 7 days,magic slimming formula made from ayurveda-&-amazon-forest-herbs.” But sadly, such Genuine 100% working quick fixes do not exist for mental obesity.
    Expect anything worthwhile to take a long time. The myth of overnight success, is just that- a myth. Being religious about your passion is, in my opinion, The Bestestestest trait any person can have.  (that hindu muslim religion and all is one stupid thing, but that’s for another day/post)
    and if you feel annoyed by how unsatisfactory your output is- click on  This cool hyperlink thing I’ve done and listen to Ira glass’ brilliant take on the creative process.Remember that frustration I talked about in the intro… the “arrggghhhh” feeling. That doesn’t just go away even after you start.. its replaced by something more beautiful- Passion, and that’s a million times more frustrating.

So that’s that, now we are all ready to get-set-gooooo……right?

The Return Of The Big,Ugly & Hairy  BUT

BUT then again, There is a cynical side to all of us. And whenever we feel the urge to do anything, it shuts us down. maybe because its too scared to try, for what if we fail? maybe it cant get over the inertia that resists change, maybe it truly makes us believe that we’re just not good enough. Many times, this cynic in us hides in plain sight- my favorite is the 2Cool4Dis-lazy-dude excuse; when we either put something down, saying its shit or ‘uncool’, to justify us not trying enough. or we say we are “lazy”- an excuse which is considered cool by all- when the real reason is inertia/fear of embarrassment.I went through/am going through this exact same phase,and probably so are many other Youth-Dudes

And right now that cynic is Screaming out this one question.

Why bother doing any of this?
.
.
.
Because

There is a vitality, a life force, an energy, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all of time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and it will be lost. The world will not have it. It is not your business to determine how good it is nor how valuable nor how it compares with other expressions. It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open. You do not even have to believe in yourself or your work. You have to keep yourself open and aware to the urges that motivate you. Keep the channel open. …

No artist is pleased. There is no satisfaction whatever at any time. There is only a queer divine dissatisfaction, a blessed unrest that keeps us marching and makes us more alive than the others.

So, in the context of the above lines…Go get a life! yeah?

To all my fellow Mentally Obese Machans- Lets Get Slimming.

And if something tries to stop you….

axwn3eyAll Hail Vennu Malesh.

(having Huge internal conflicts whether or not to just pass that last paragraph off as something i wrote… Damn i wish i wrote that. fiiine- its by martha graham(or is it?)

p.s : Check out cool logo which was totally not made in paint.

Raja, Mantri & Aavin Paal

108+ series #1

A Real-World-Moral-Story.

Once, There was one Raja called Rocket who thought his subjects were all sincere iso:9001:1998-certified good boys. Same kingdom had an  over-smart mantri called Mantri only. Mantri said “poda loosu king, all these fellows are bunti-aur-bubbly level frauds.” So for proving LHS=RHS, mantri made Raja tell everyone there is some Big-Bada Pooja and they have to each donate jest-u-one glass milk in one periya-paatharam on the coming Sunday. So everybody went to temple after watching Sun-TV-Top-Ten-Movies and one by one went in to donate milk. One fellow thought “If I alone pour water instead of milk means who’ll notice? Issokayba! nu he put water. In the end when Raja checked, he saw that there was only water there, no Aavin-paal. Full flower-tying-in-the-ears happened off. Minister was like “I told you so.” King sad; subjects scared. Obviously can’t punish all subjects..cause then no kingdom only will be there, how king?

So He Killed The Minister.

The end.

Moral-of-the-story: Don’t be  adhigaprasangi. Keep nose in your business.Noone likes it when you act like a Pretentious-Aai-Face. okay va?

P.S:This story was supposed to be 108 words,but as an indian cbse student, word limit and all no can do.original story not mine,some akbar-birbal-tenali-raman stuff. More 108+ worded short posts coming soon coming soon.

 

 

r-u-a-tru-chennaite? Tak dis tst 2 fnd out

10 Things that will prove you are a true chennaite (You will not believe #4 😮 )

Yevrrrybody is making Chennai posts video and all no? Why I should leave off? I am also rowdydhaan so I am also writing the chennai posts.
Also, I’ll be shifting from Chennai soon, and this is mera Kaneer-Anjali-Poster for the 18 years I spent here.

This is a test to check if you are a true chennaite.
If you don’t pass this test means you are not true Chennaite. thats all.
Ready a?
start musiq.

1. You must say you are a proud chennaite, even if you live in some cook-graamam(MMKRcrazymohanreferenceyo) called gerrugambakkam or something in the outskirts of a small town called porur which is in the outskirts of the suburbs of chennai.

2. Atleast once you should have questioned some rash driver fellow if he “informed and came from home a?”

3. You should bokku-nu-vailaye kuthify those who constantly and relentlessly complain about the “chennai wheather” as if they were born with Attached AC suit from sivaji movie. that is 3-much (2much+1).

4.Whenever any Hindi(read saetu) aunty utters the word “beta” your mind-voice-vadivelu must subconciously reply saying “beta lam enga ma tharanga? verum pongalum puliyodharayum dhaan“.

5. You must be a die-hard Rajini fan.no choice and all.

6. You must constantly question/be questioned regarding which school you studied in, even years after you pass out. It is yuvar identity sorta like the house thingy In Game-Of-Thrones.( jestu ipo dhaan started watching GOT to ensure that Im a kewl dood) I usually loud-a say “PSBB” and silent-a-muzhingify the “Millennium”. Trickz.

7. You must put Over vetti scene to all your friends about how you “hate these serials that old aunties and all watch nowadays yaa!” but secretly go home and watch Vani rani and saravanan meenakshi season 108 Episode:7.5. ( Will saravanan marry meenakshi.? Womygawwdd whatte suspense sir-ji)

8.YOU MUST HATE HINDI FOR NO REASON AT ALL (but still take it as secondlanguage and suffer and then later realize its kinda useful&nice-nice actually). logic a? Who youre looking and what youre asking? kuru ketta koobe.(panchathanthiramCrazymohanReferenceyo)  Also Fuck MumbaiIndians and other mokke IPL teams.#CSKthirumbiVarumDaDei

 

9.You must have encountered atleast one josiyam telling akka in the beach who somehow managed to make you her customer. Then youll pretend like you don’t believe in this “stupid superstitions” but actually you will listen nice-a and later mandayakozhapify over her predictions /how she knew you have thanni-la-gandam/how to prevent the imminent seven&half-sanni in your life.

10. If you are male, then atleast once you should’ve travelled by an mtc bus which was full only gents side la, and you thought you could get away with sitting in the ladies seat after checking if any females are standing.. only to be Suddenly confronted by an angry maami who appeared out of nowhere like one zubat and tells” cha ladies seat la okaririye? unaku asingama illa? indha generation-e ipdi dhaan”  What-a-kodumai-this-is-saravana-sir .

 

What? You are not passing the test? cha, this also you can’t pass a? your cousin kichu probably got full marks. disappointment you are.

but wait, there is one more point.

All these things don’t matter.It also doesn’t matter where you’re from,how long you’ve been here,where all you’ve been,how much you have done for this city.blahblah
All that matters is that you love the city.
Because this city loves you. (Punch#1)

and to others,
we know man ki the weather is not all jill-jill-cool-cool navaratna-oil types,
we know that we don’t keep fixating on the NytLyf and the partyscenezz.
we know you are jealous that we can watch any movie at any Theatre with jestu noorthi-iravathu-rooba. muahahaha.

We don’t love this city because its perfect.

we love it because its ours. (Punch#2)

I’ll miss you Chennai.
my parents super timing la decided they want to move to Bangalore.
Cauveri-verri la enga car-a thookidaadhinga boss!

inimeltu Eli noddu-Enu baeku-adjust maadi Vonnly.

officially  IyAmTheNRC – Non resident Chennaite.

Signing-Off-Captain-Shhtyle
I will Be back
Will be back
Be back
Back

Ack

Ck

K

.

Politics Of The Pankajam Apartments

Laydeees and Gendalmaaanz.

I will tell you one very kutti-chotta-short story.
One Ooru la one apartment was irundhuchaam.
That apartment la irrespective of whether there was current, water, malligai kadai(jasmine-shop),tea kadai,Saakadai,potti kadai(Box-shop),kaiyendhibhavan(Hand-Extend-hotel)etc – One thing was always there

The-Kutties-Gang
*nerrrupu daa*

These kids and all Molachi Moonu yela Vidala, aana vaai mattum wayanaad varaikum poitu varum.(sprouted but no.of.leaves <=3, but mouth is talking till mount-road) Like that apartment only one apartment I lived in when I was small.

Full day time la apartment will be in pin drop silence, but evening 4 PM onwards its actually 7.5 started for Adults. All hell,heaven everything will break loose.
We will gulp-u gulp-u nu drink down our Booshttu! And immediately Run off to our meeting-point-

The-Motta-Maadi!  (Bald-Terrace)

There we will meet up and first discuss Current Affairs*”dei,yesterday 4-30  pokemon show you saw-a??that boy ash-e that big charizard dragon didnt even madhichify(respect) da.”*
Politics *”dei, that krishnan uncle keeps saying the association wont let us play cricket in the parking lot, that uncle sotta-mandai-ya we should hit with stumper ball only!” (“Enaddhu stumper a?? – seri ok, cosco enough”)
And Linguistics *”ey anithaa!- your anna called my anna paradesi di, that is some bad word only no??”*

Then after the Informal Caucus Session, the gang leaders will enter,which means finger-on-the-lips silence only..You see, leaders are the 5th graders, the people who could actually lift an SS cricket bat, the ones who had 3 sets of pokemon/cricket/WWE cards, and ofcourse, the ones who knew the most bad words- Street-Cred Means this – learn da Emin3m.

So,me and the other 3rd standard fellows sat in a circle as the leaders – flatNos.3C-Trisha and 6A-Shekar approached.
We immediately got to the main-point of the meeting. (3rd standard me is giggling at the words “main point”)
ok now also, im giggling…
Anyways- so we had to decide what we were going to play that day.

Shekar said GI Joe | Trisha said Barbies.

*freeze-frame*

Dai Marvel-fellos This is only original civil war.
soon we were divided, both teams passionate about our causes, strong in our beliefs and loyal to our leaders.
Now dont come and tell me ki what is this, anyway whatever you are doing is not something so useful!, It does only little good for kids to play, but they should do something more productive

Podaangu.

we dont want to get better and all, we just want to play.
so the leaders decided we should vote (i.e: raise hands) and decide what we want..
at first, shekar was the majority..But this, was like a game of chess.
And it takes more than one move.Trisha made hers

eyy listen no? ill give all of you five star chocolates pa! now tell , what you want to play?

Trisha 1 : Shekar 0

shekar na summava?

He immediately uses his trump card, goes home and brings his Amma’s special world-famous-in-avar-apartment pav bhajji!! And if we see saetu-veetu-chat-u and all means we will obviously fall for it no?

shekar’s back in the lead.

3C Trisha is not one to lose to that songi boy shekar and all.

Silenta-irundhu-Sorrnaakka-level rowdy-ism she did and told ” eyy gurll, he is bad boy di! you will take his side means I am pechu-kaa thats all, all of them said sorry and did pazham+tied friendship band and all.

While this highly intellectual battle of wits and grey matter was taking place, enter Nazar shah, the 5th standard smart fellow, who doesnt bully the kids and goes to music class, chess class and all.
So this fellow sees that all of us are wasting our times when we could be doing something useful, he was carrying a science expt kit and asked us if we wanted to play with this instead
That and all no need.Nee moodu ” apdeenu chorus-a all of us told making our leaders both get anandha kaneer.(Um..Tears-of-anand)
Nazar thought this whole playing-business is one dirty sakkadai.(drainage) Why should i help them and all? maanam ketta naaiyinga.” (Shame-spoiled-puppies) and he left.

Soon it was time, and the ultra-super-final voting started…
As usual, Half the Gang didnt give a damn.
Out of the rest,
4C-Faisal did inky pinky ponky and chose trisha.
9A-Nayanthara blindly chose trisha too-Bffs you see, and quite a sweet tooth with a soft corner for five stars didnt hurt.
7G-shambashivan decided to choose shekar saying “dei i really think his ideas are better da, from a practical point of view,based on extensive research of the SST textbooks…” but soon the truth comes out in the form of a pav-bhajji smelling Fa-rp.
I also chose shekar because shambu was my best friend da. what else i can do??If one monkey throws cap, means That monkey-oda-machan will also throw no?
6E-srinidhi was gonna be the deciding vote….. nails were bitten,curls were twirled, chaos ensued, and finally she made her decision.

Barbie it was!

So Next 5 hours-ku Trisha’s barbie only, who knows maybe after that it will be GI joes, then barbie.. then again barbie..then maybe GI joe’s-son…hmm.

Retrospect-la that was some shitty politics,neither side was actually doing anything good, nor were their plans any different. That one Nazar fellow who couldve done something proper also didnt bother to. And we just chose sides based on slightly-very-very-bad-logic influenced by Freebies.

Thank god thats Not How Govt Elections work.

Wait-a-nimute. Oh Crap!
P.S: Any resemblance to real people or events is purely coincidental and markets-are-subject-to-risk-please-read-the-terms-and-conditions-apply.

P.S #2: some people told me they dont understand much because of the tamizh references.. since i went through the senjification-of-second-language-hindi for 10 years, I am understandings. ive directly translated wherever i felt like it… it doesnt help much..or at all, but its fun. Language means for communication only..so context and all you understand means Im v.v.happy.