Month: June 2016

What India Needs: The Nation Wants To Know!

For the next 5 minutes, I need you all to assume that I’m some Expert appatucker who has in-depth knowledge of the economic and structure of India but for some illogical reason I don’t work for the Government!

Wait,No I’m not Raghuram Rajan.

#Rexit

Now, I’m going to give some free advice.
If you want means take. If you don’t want means… still you have to take only, because that’s how free advice works no?! No Choice and all. poda.

Ok, you keep saying our nation is Nasamaaa goings no?
you want good nation a? That means you need a good government. which means you need good politicians.which means responsible adults who make it a point to vote sensibly instead of either sitting at home and saying “aii jolly.Holiday!” or choosing to vote for vijaykanth only because ” Machi! Ramanaa paathiya? pah! whatte man la?”
Now if you want such adults means they must have had good childhood..which means they must have watched good cartoons…
So that’s what our nation needs.
Our nation needs to ban Chotta bheem.

What other Bada problem our country is facing…ah yes! Language barriers. Unity in diversity and all chumma  for jolly they put in ninth standard social studies textbook.There only it ends.
This north india vs south india catfight no? such a headache it gives even amruthanjan balm is of no help boss!
And with what logic they are fighting, I don’t get only!
Northies make fun of south people’s english, and these buggers make fun of the northies’ english.
Dai.Loosu fellows, all our Englishes are waste only!
North fellows will say Foodubal for football, my mallu chettas will say aoufficce for office , my golti mamas will use “ra” so many times as if they are singing that chandramukhi terror song. And us Tamizh people tho forget it..just read my blog, that only avar engalees skillzz.

You are living in glass house means you don’t throw rocks.

And one scene we south Indians will put saying ki north Indians just label us all as madrasis. Dei first you name all 6 states in the northeast da!
..
That was trick question. There are 7 states.

So look, let us come to a compromise ok? south Indians should all start accepting hindi more.. look its a nice language .. super bad words it has ,BC,MC and all. kohli says no?
And north Indians, start accepting our masala movies and most importantly Rajinikanth.

because Dei I know that all you hindi fellows making fun of rajinikanth on the internet( read:stealing chuck norris memes and replacing the name) are the same ones who go home and watch Sivaji-The Boss dubbed on set max! Come out of the closet I say!
so thats what our nation needs
our nation needs to love Rajinikanth.

One more problem nowadays is how much our nation likes to protest.
someone gives speech in one delhi college means protest. someone refuses to tell one slogan means protest. Anna university keeps exams means protest, those exams la we fail means protest , they ask for money for re-eval means protest. one movie you like and they don’t release means protest, you don’t like and they release also means protest.
Shabba. Now itself eyes are closing.
Of all these, one major protest is this beef ban. Why so much fuss over food.? Instead of discussing about banning we should instead promote some other food item.                          To stop fights, To unite the two sides. Something that is tasty, simple, healthy and represents the colour that we Indians idolize and wish to look like everyday, through ample ‘Appification’of fair & lovely.
Thayir sadham.
That’s what we need.

Our Nation needs To make Thayir Sadham the national food.

 
OK Let me tell you one honest secret ..
These things May not be what India needs to grow… But I sure would love to live in a country without chota bheem, where all people love Rajini and Eat

Thayir sadham.

Because I’d belong in such a place.

Because in the end isn’t that what we need from our homes, our colleges,our city or our country? To belong?

Cause once we feel like the country is ours…that it is a reflection of how good or how bad we are..we are half way there in making it better.

Ambududhe hai!*

  • ‘ambududhe hai’ is copied from an Fb post.Too much in love with it.sry.

 

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Stop with the Guilty Feelings:An Open Opaari!

Boss. What joy do you get from making me feel guilty?

Daily one Sales executive will come to my house, I would’ve seen through that peep-hole and decided to ignore,but he will ring the bell again and again,and call out “saar , mahdaaam!” till I feel guilty and open the door.
Then he will see Im holding a big smartphone and wearing some branded ‘modern‘ clothes and directly assume I dont know tamizh(Sathya-Sodhanai.), and speak to me in one broken English,(after asking if mummy-daddy are home) and tell me how he is from an orphanage and is looking for donations , and ask “whatever you can manage,give thambi, It will be helpful

Here two problems:

If I give means later I’ll feel guilty because probably he is some cheating fellow who used ‘charity’ scheme to scam me and put naamam(\|/) on my forehead.

If I don’t give means ill feel guilty thinking I am one bad person for not giving charity.

Giving Charity directly also is one nightmare. Every time I walk past a beggar,(especially if its a child or one carrying a child) I try my best to avoid confrontation, and it usually works,(maybe because my face and all doesn’t look like I have cash), But if they do target me means that’s all.

Again two problems:

If I don’t give money,I feel guilty for not helping those less privileged than myself,

If i give means i feel guilty for being part of a system that encourages begging, I mean.. for all I know, that money might not be used as intended.

 

Then there are these movies which suffer from an overdose of melancholy.             Basically take any love story, Then give main character some kind of illness and slowly and painfully kill them, There you go: bestselling books and super hit movies. *Cough-FaultInOurStars-Cough*
Don’t get me wrong,I LOVE movies that make you think and feel. Movies that leave a profound effect on you,movies that make a dent. Iraivi and Taare zameen par and many others blew my mind.

But that doesn’t mean you take a story, drown it in sadness by giving people cancer and what not, and then shove it down my throat. Because ultimately sadness wont come out,only Guilt over not feeling genuinely sad.. and maybe a little vomit
If you want to exaggerate means  cool. do that to make people laugh, crack a few lame jokes, roast a few people, tickle some funny bones. but stop forcing us to be sad or guilty da.Enough of that already happening in real life around us.
Happy > sad

Then there is Facebook, more like *Facepalm*.. hahaha! No? ok, leave off.
It is solely responsible for almost half the world populations guilty feelings. How many different type of posts that are aimed at preying on our guilt to gain popularity.
FB Problems:
1.Posts that say : “If you don’t like this post in 7 seconds, your mother will die.”  Dei why you bring my Mummy and all into this. bloody respect will be spoiled,be careful.
And whose ears you are trying to tie flowers?!
2.Posts that say :”Every 2 minutes in Africa, 1 kid is dying.only 1% ppl will share this. share this post if you feel bad for them. 1 like = 1 pray;1 share=1000pray.
Okay man,I am not denying ki people are dying in africa, but how sharing your post will help? And if i don’t want to share means I don’t feel bad a? Cha. bongu-aatam.
3.People who share aforementioned posts. I feel guilty for having befriended you.                       my head-fate.

Two more problems
If people achieve too much means i feel guilty for not being good enough,
If people are going through very dark times means i feel guilty for feeling happy about the good things in my life.

One more -2 problems
If i get good marks means people are saying things like “pch what man, you got nice marks in this test, see i failed,how could you do this?fulla your fault only!” and ill feel guilty.
If i do bad means parents will say”We gave you everything we didn’t get when we were small, this is how you repay us-a?bhagavane!

what kodumai this is, saravana ?

But ofcourse, Making people feel guilty is the super power of old people.
My dad’s trademark scolding usually goes like “ when I was your age, I used to sit under streetlight and study, that time we didn’t have all this luxury, I cycled from Perambur to Thousand lights everyday, I worked two jobs , look at you. Waste-of-Rice you are.”
Ayo Appa, I am not saying you didn’t go through a lot,But you telling all that only makes me feel like anything I do will never measure up on that scale. Immense Respect – I always had for you, but that dialogue only added Guilt to that.
And when you were my age, you didn’t have phone.. now you are playing flappy birds *ting* *ting* -nu in ipad daily no?

Times have changed Appa.

I will also, hopefully, struggle and work hard soon, and do something with my life that You and I are both proud of,(elephant-ku one day means cat-ku also one day no?)
But I need not go through the exact same Journey you did.
Like Thalaivar told- “En vazhi thanni vazhi”.

In reality, Everybody’s route is Different.. but where we want to finally reach is same-same.
Destination-Happiness.

Stop Guilty.Start Party.

P.S: wished my Appa a happy fathers day, he responded with his trademark Vinu chakravarthy style grunt.:’)

The Story Of Sam

Sambasivam’in Sirukadhai

(series of verses with somewhat rhyming last words)

-Tambrahm T.R

Namaskaram! My name is Sambasivam
Enakku innoru perum iruku– Sam.
I’m just a 7 year old Kondey
And I Love my Fam.

Amma is a teacher,
Appa is a lawyer.
I also have one Anna,
his name is Karthik iyer.

My Anna is my hero
His wish- My command
Like Han Solo and Chewbacca,
Together we stand.

There is but one reason,
for me feeling gloom
for we share not blood,
but just the same room.

Adopted!
Yes, but loved by all,
Best-u family Yevarr.
regrets? None at all.

But it hurts me bad sometimes,
makes my world go ‘Black and White‘.
was I not good enough for them??
This question stuck in my mind,this fight!
On how i’m not like them,Why this hair,this body, this height!?
“One day they will disown me”
’twas my greatest fright.

So that’s my story guys.
My sorrow and my joy,
Oh And One more kutti detail…

.

I’m their PET NAAI!

*

7 Reasons Why Scooters Are a Rockz and Bikes Are a Suxx

Okay,first of all, before reading this you take your logic,rotate it above your head three times and throw it outside the window. This is for jolly purposes.
Also this is specially for those vetti scene putting bike fellows only, not all bikers in general..if you’re not one of them then chillax,No offense 🙂

Now look, To all those scene putting bike fellows, what do you think of yourselves? huh? just because you have a bike that cost you one year Anna university fees means you grew two horns a? What your bike has that scooter doesn’t? Talk me.
Now don’t say mileage Dawww, Image Daww ,gethu Daww and all.Also Just don’t say ‘Daw. its the second most irritating word ever.(First place goes to ‘Bae‘)
anyways moving on…LIST TIME!

7 Reasons Why scooty Is a Rockzzz And Bikes are a Suxxx

1.Scooters promote Feminism: Because Everywhere Bikes are shown to be for men only,But look at scooters,they’re unisex, anybody can ride scooters, TVS scooty has been helping generations of working middle class maamis to commute.
Also, if i was an FB post, Id have rephrased this point as ” If you dont support scooters means you are sexist !”

2.Scooters Are Super duper easy to drive.: What clutch,gears and all? Sit , start and simply ride off. so easy that Entire Cast Of NIJAM PAAKU ad can ride scooty !

3.Protection from police: Police Maamas Will catch bikes more than scooters, If you dont put helmet and drive honda Activa means no police guy will look at you twice.. actually noone will look at you twice , but that is different matter. Also, Who will feel like asking paavam student in prehistoric scooty for money when there is ‘Youth-Yolo-Dude‘ going in yamaha R15.?

4.Economical: scooters cost Way lesser than bikes. nothing funny to say about this and all.

5. Nostalgia , tradition, culture and other things that have senti values:
Today you are driving yamaha,honda and all, but when you were in 10th standard and had to go buy 2 Litres aavin milk but Chennai sun was burning you means who came to your rescue? Hamara TVS scooty only no?
When you were small , daily morning your appa used to take you, your brother and your amma and drop all of you off at school, office and all in that scooty only no? scooter only has Special design to allow younger sibling to stand in Front while Amma and anna sit behind and come.

6. Vetti scene putters: when you buy bikes, i think they also give an extra dose of Thimiru with it. Why else will all these bikers ride like they are ajith’s atthai payan.. recklessly speeding and constantly terrorizing innocent bystanders and others on the road.As someone who is Super scared of road accidents, I would like to know if the road is your Appa’s property.?

7. The ladies: To those guys who think riding Big, Costly bikes is going to help them get it on with the laddiiesss. Your face-ku illadha, your bike-ku vara Girl you need a? standards Bro.

So, all of you, sell your royal enfield, donate half the money to some charity and with the rest go buy nice nice scooty that you, your Partner, Your friends, Your teenage cousin , Your middle aged maama and your old age Thaatha can all drive.
Bonus :Reducing noise pollution and getting punyam.

 
By the way, on a completely, totally unrelated note.. My cousin recently became manager of Vespa scooters Chennai branch.
contact me if you want scooters, I’ll get you nice discount.

Oru Tambrahm Kudumbum

Oru Tambrahm Kudumbam
(series of verses with somewhat rhyming last words)
by-The Tambrahm T.R

Namaskaram! Im vishwanathan aka vichu
Enaku oru annan irukaan, His name is Kichu
We are both amma chellam, My appa is romba terror
avara porutha varaikum-
” Paper na hindu,
both his sons are mandu!”

After my 12th standard, my appa called me to his room.
filled to the brim with fear, I walked to my impending doom.

“Maths la no centum , Chemistry-o padu dhandam..
Ena kirichitai nee padichi?
Badava,Arts-Keets nu sonne..
pichipuduven pichi!”

“if you dont do engineering or medicine ,
then no IT job or monthly pay;
dai we are middle class family da,purinjiko…
chamatha do btech ,then MS from YOU YES YAY!”

Thats enough from my dad
lets go over to my amma
Cause She is the real boss.
ayo im serious, not saying chumma.

“Oh you want to know about me?
I am your typical tambrahm maami.

anyways, I recently got a trophy,
It says ‘queen of filter coffee‘!

I serve my sadham with some morru
I rule the streets of mylapore-u”

“recently I am ponnu paathufying
For my kondey krishnaswami
I sent his jathagam to my friends
we have a whatsapp group called ‘The Maami‘.”

“Now answer me Kichu,
and poi solapadaadhu, I’m your mum;
Yaarayavadhu love panriya?
is it that next-door ambujam?* “

Vichu:

“So, maathi maathi we get aapu,
Both me and kichu too!
cause you see,
We are the next generation tambrahms
Our middle name is Abishtoo!”

*we all know how much maamis love asking aduthaathu ambujatha parthela?!

Dubukku Dilemmas

Exactly 18 years-a I’ve been living in this planet, and in all these years, the only thing I’m sure about myself is that I am always confused.

Till date, once also I haven’t been able to make a decision Chutt-unu, always confusion mela confusion and ore the dilemmas only.

I can actually trace this problem back to when I was born itself. It’s a funny story actually…

*cue flashback BGM and vfx*

You see, I was born on the 13th of June-1998 late night, and Correct-a when I was born no? my dad’s watch la it said 11:58 but doctor’s watch said 12:01. Apparently, they both had semma arguments over whether my DOB should be 13th or 14th! Then my dad, said ” asku busku! Mah son Mah rulzz” or something and overruled the doctor, but you see I think that’s where my kozhappam(confusion) started.

Ok, I lied, It is not a funny story and all, but I made you read no? Hehe suckaa.

A lot has changed since then, but my confusion prevailed.

First, I can’t decide if I am hungry or bored,( only two modes I have) then If I am hungry means I can’t decide if I should eat at home or outside, outside means I don’t know which cuisine, restaurant and all, then after excessive research,analysis and putting inky-pinky-ponky if I decide I’ll go to A2b (Because bad donkey => small wall) there I can’t decide if I want chola batura or pav bhaji, then if I suddenly feel like having pani puri means they will give it in one plate and piss me off to the core, bleddy buggers! Pani puri in a plate, it seems! Food itself like this means, think about other things!?

At home watching TV is one bayangaranama kadupu. oru choice-a rendu choice-a ? 1008 channels will be there, after sitting and browsing through everything I’ll end up watching comedy central or adithya TV only! Wait wait … no, I’ll watch star world.. or HBO… or chotta bheem!

Ok last one was for lollolai.

And it’s not just for jujubee stuff like this!

I’ve inserted my nose (figuratively and at times, literally) into many things.

Carnatic music,keyboard,drums,guitar,cricket,tennis,football,lock&key,yoga,dramatics,  padips,physics, pottery, podalanga, vendakka etc etc

But always my nose was in only like halfway, sometimes quarter and sometimes I’m just touching it with my nose like Joe from impractical jokers.. You get the metaphor no?

Thing is, I could never decide if I wanted something or not, for sure. I wanted the bird in my hand AND the two in the bush.. AND many other birds. .like full Rio cast itself… but life is a naai and I don’t even like birds tbh.

The worshtuu part about making choices is that once I do full Einstein-level analysis and choose something no? just-u within two minutes la only I’ll start doubting that decision and mandaya pichify!(pluck head-hair) my mind will start thinking ki what if I had done the other thing? maybe better a irukumo? And I’ll think about log kya kahenge and all!(what ? I am hindi maalum ok!)  and within next 5 mins I would’ve convinced myself beyond doubt that I’ve made the wrong choice and let down my parents and thatha paati  and aduthaathu ambujam aunty and whole  family and friends and all.

My point is, how do they expect me to make decisions about career, life, studies vagera vagera and all suddenly…when I can’t even decide if I should buy Orange lays or green lays?!?

I guess, sometimes it is okay not to be sure about our decisions, its fine to screw up a little or even a lot. So take some risks, and make those choices you’re afraid to make.

 Live a little.

Or later you’ll regret it and feel like bokku-nu vailaye kuthifying yourself!

Till now I’ve always been confused and half-hearted in Most things in my life, But indha naal, calendar la mark and keep-ikonga, Because from now, Full vithai erakarom!