Exactly 18 years-a I’ve been living in this planet, and in all these years, the only thing I’m sure about myself is that I am always confused.
Till date, once also I haven’t been able to make a decision Chutt-unu, always confusion mela confusion and ore the dilemmas only.
I can actually trace this problem back to when I was born itself. It’s a funny story actually…
*cue flashback BGM and vfx*
You see, I was born on the 13th of June-1998 late night, and Correct-a when I was born no? my dad’s watch la it said 11:58 but doctor’s watch said 12:01. Apparently, they both had semma arguments over whether my DOB should be 13th or 14th! Then my dad, said ” asku busku! Mah son Mah rulzz” or something and overruled the doctor, but you see I think that’s where my kozhappam(confusion) started.
Ok, I lied, It is not a funny story and all, but I made you read no? Hehe suckaa.
A lot has changed since then, but my confusion prevailed.
First, I can’t decide if I am hungry or bored,( only two modes I have) then If I am hungry means I can’t decide if I should eat at home or outside, outside means I don’t know which cuisine, restaurant and all, then after excessive research,analysis and putting inky-pinky-ponky if I decide I’ll go to A2b (Because bad donkey => small wall) there I can’t decide if I want chola batura or pav bhaji, then if I suddenly feel like having pani puri means they will give it in one plate and piss me off to the core, bleddy buggers! Pani puri in a plate, it seems! Food itself like this means, think about other things!?
At home watching TV is one bayangaranama kadupu. oru choice-a rendu choice-a ? 1008 channels will be there, after sitting and browsing through everything I’ll end up watching comedy central or adithya TV only! Wait wait … no, I’ll watch star world.. or HBO… or chotta bheem!
Ok last one was for lollolai.
And it’s not just for jujubee stuff like this!
I’ve inserted my nose (figuratively and at times, literally) into many things.
Carnatic music,keyboard,drums,guitar,cricket,tennis,football,lock&key,yoga,dramatics, padips,physics, pottery, podalanga, vendakka etc etc
But always my nose was in only like halfway, sometimes quarter and sometimes I’m just touching it with my nose like Joe from impractical jokers.. You get the metaphor no?
Thing is, I could never decide if I wanted something or not, for sure. I wanted the bird in my hand AND the two in the bush.. AND many other birds. .like full Rio cast itself… but life is a naai and I don’t even like birds tbh.
The worshtuu part about making choices is that once I do full Einstein-level analysis and choose something no? just-u within two minutes la only I’ll start doubting that decision and mandaya pichify!(pluck head-hair) my mind will start thinking ki what if I had done the other thing? maybe better a irukumo? And I’ll think about log kya kahenge and all!(what ? I am hindi maalum ok!) and within next 5 mins I would’ve convinced myself beyond doubt that I’ve made the wrong choice and let down my parents and thatha paati and aduthaathu ambujam aunty and whole family and friends and all.
My point is, how do they expect me to make decisions about career, life, studies vagera vagera and all suddenly…when I can’t even decide if I should buy Orange lays or green lays?!?
I guess, sometimes it is okay not to be sure about our decisions, its fine to screw up a little or even a lot. So take some risks, and make those choices you’re afraid to make.
Live a little.
Or later you’ll regret it and feel like bokku-nu vailaye kuthifying yourself!
Till now I’ve always been confused and half-hearted in Most things in my life, But indha naal, calendar la mark and keep-ikonga, Because from now, Full vithai erakarom!