Month: July 2016

Politics Of The Pankajam Apartments

Laydeees and Gendalmaaanz.

I will tell you one very kutti-chotta-short story.
One Ooru la one apartment was irundhuchaam.
That apartment la irrespective of whether there was current, water, malligai kadai(jasmine-shop),tea kadai,Saakadai,potti kadai(Box-shop),kaiyendhibhavan(Hand-Extend-hotel)etc – One thing was always there

The-Kutties-Gang
*nerrrupu daa*

These kids and all Molachi Moonu yela Vidala, aana vaai mattum wayanaad varaikum poitu varum.(sprouted but no.of.leaves <=3, but mouth is talking till mount-road) Like that apartment only one apartment I lived in when I was small.

Full day time la apartment will be in pin drop silence, but evening 4 PM onwards its actually 7.5 started for Adults. All hell,heaven everything will break loose.
We will gulp-u gulp-u nu drink down our Booshttu! And immediately Run off to our meeting-point-

The-Motta-Maadi!  (Bald-Terrace)

There we will meet up and first discuss Current Affairs*”dei,yesterday 4-30  pokemon show you saw-a??that boy ash-e that big charizard dragon didnt even madhichify(respect) da.”*
Politics *”dei, that krishnan uncle keeps saying the association wont let us play cricket in the parking lot, that uncle sotta-mandai-ya we should hit with stumper ball only!” (“Enaddhu stumper a?? – seri ok, cosco enough”)
And Linguistics *”ey anithaa!- your anna called my anna paradesi di, that is some bad word only no??”*

Then after the Informal Caucus Session, the gang leaders will enter,which means finger-on-the-lips silence only..You see, leaders are the 5th graders, the people who could actually lift an SS cricket bat, the ones who had 3 sets of pokemon/cricket/WWE cards, and ofcourse, the ones who knew the most bad words- Street-Cred Means this – learn da Emin3m.

So,me and the other 3rd standard fellows sat in a circle as the leaders – flatNos.3C-Trisha and 6A-Shekar approached.
We immediately got to the main-point of the meeting. (3rd standard me is giggling at the words “main point”)
ok now also, im giggling…
Anyways- so we had to decide what we were going to play that day.

Shekar said GI Joe | Trisha said Barbies.

*freeze-frame*

Dai Marvel-fellos This is only original civil war.
soon we were divided, both teams passionate about our causes, strong in our beliefs and loyal to our leaders.
Now dont come and tell me ki what is this, anyway whatever you are doing is not something so useful!, It does only little good for kids to play, but they should do something more productive

Podaangu.

we dont want to get better and all, we just want to play.
so the leaders decided we should vote (i.e: raise hands) and decide what we want..
at first, shekar was the majority..But this, was like a game of chess.
And it takes more than one move.Trisha made hers

eyy listen no? ill give all of you five star chocolates pa! now tell , what you want to play?

Trisha 1 : Shekar 0

shekar na summava?

He immediately uses his trump card, goes home and brings his Amma’s special world-famous-in-avar-apartment pav bhajji!! And if we see saetu-veetu-chat-u and all means we will obviously fall for it no?

shekar’s back in the lead.

3C Trisha is not one to lose to that songi boy shekar and all.

Silenta-irundhu-Sorrnaakka-level rowdy-ism she did and told ” eyy gurll, he is bad boy di! you will take his side means I am pechu-kaa thats all, all of them said sorry and did pazham+tied friendship band and all.

While this highly intellectual battle of wits and grey matter was taking place, enter Nazar shah, the 5th standard smart fellow, who doesnt bully the kids and goes to music class, chess class and all.
So this fellow sees that all of us are wasting our times when we could be doing something useful, he was carrying a science expt kit and asked us if we wanted to play with this instead
That and all no need.Nee moodu ” apdeenu chorus-a all of us told making our leaders both get anandha kaneer.(Um..Tears-of-anand)
Nazar thought this whole playing-business is one dirty sakkadai.(drainage) Why should i help them and all? maanam ketta naaiyinga.” (Shame-spoiled-puppies) and he left.

Soon it was time, and the ultra-super-final voting started…
As usual, Half the Gang didnt give a damn.
Out of the rest,
4C-Faisal did inky pinky ponky and chose trisha.
9A-Nayanthara blindly chose trisha too-Bffs you see, and quite a sweet tooth with a soft corner for five stars didnt hurt.
7G-shambashivan decided to choose shekar saying “dei i really think his ideas are better da, from a practical point of view,based on extensive research of the SST textbooks…” but soon the truth comes out in the form of a pav-bhajji smelling Fa-rp.
I also chose shekar because shambu was my best friend da. what else i can do??If one monkey throws cap, means That monkey-oda-machan will also throw no?
6E-srinidhi was gonna be the deciding vote….. nails were bitten,curls were twirled, chaos ensued, and finally she made her decision.

Barbie it was!

So Next 5 hours-ku Trisha’s barbie only, who knows maybe after that it will be GI joes, then barbie.. then again barbie..then maybe GI joe’s-son…hmm.

Retrospect-la that was some shitty politics,neither side was actually doing anything good, nor were their plans any different. That one Nazar fellow who couldve done something proper also didnt bother to. And we just chose sides based on slightly-very-very-bad-logic influenced by Freebies.

Thank god thats Not How Govt Elections work.

Wait-a-nimute. Oh Crap!
P.S: Any resemblance to real people or events is purely coincidental and markets-are-subject-to-risk-please-read-the-terms-and-conditions-apply.

P.S #2: some people told me they dont understand much because of the tamizh references.. since i went through the senjification-of-second-language-hindi for 10 years, I am understandings. ive directly translated wherever i felt like it… it doesnt help much..or at all, but its fun. Language means for communication only..so context and all you understand means Im v.v.happy.

Life of the Indian-high-school-Yoooth-Dyude.

pre-note:This is mostly me talking to myself.I do that a lot . Also i finallly got enough engalees and humor sense and all to understand calvin and hobbes, Falling in louwe with it.

Start musiq.

Once upon a time long long ago, so long ago..that is 3 years back -11th starting la I chose Computer science group.. just because it sounded a coolz and because I got enough CGPA in the overhyped waw-of-the-waw tenth board exams but Mostly because I cant draw for shit and for some reason was convinced that I suck at bio cuz of that.

what? you’re thinking why not commerce a? Poda.
commerce and all not even in the picture, I mean.. bleddy they will Wonnnnly teach/glorify/soap-pottufy science subjects and then suddenly say “If you want means you can take commerce..I wouldnt recommend it, but you can take…i mean…. you seriously shouldnt unless you have no other friggin choice...but you can take.
Bleddy who will feel like going through the effort of fighting with your parents and take it after this man? only half way through 11th people will realize ki they got senjified(Screwed).

Then after choosing stream, next step is what? over ambitious parents will paavama put all their hopes (read:Emotional-Athyaachaar) and join us off in one JEE Coaching class(notice how its always called coaching classes, because they don’t wanna be confused with the ‘tuitions‘ that people go for boards which is beneath them .yuckz)
Jee classes are the Biggest-Scam-In-The-Indian-History-Of-The-Education-System(Brilliant Start-Up idea though) but to be fair, I had the beshtu parents, who never forced me into any thing. But all this I myself went and got myself Senjified. I joined in this one centre which i wont name for legal reasons (hint:rhymes with kaakaash). there 2 years went by, mostly with me complaining like a bitch about how i have to travel 452 hours :departure from porur and arrival at adyar.

Then for some reason school la they have something against these jee classes, and jee fellows constantly belittle boards. and like a child in a bad marriage, all students will be stuck in between this ego problem.Shabba from every side they will throw homework assignments tests and all and say study daily. lol.
as if we study daily. anyway day before exam only we will call the good-gals of the class and say “eyy send notes pictures in whatsapp group dii”. and sit and mug up and vomit in exam to get some marks.

Around February only we will start propera studying for boards- then because of the constant bombardment of sample papers mock exams clusters and what not, concept of studying for the sake of learning and all is obsolete.(Cue:Sophisticated word) by this time, we somewhat crack board exams’ formula methods and get somewhat good marks also. Then in one week we will sit and try our best for entrances and that also something will click or else also no problem. because at the end of the day, all colleges more or less same educational standards only. chumma tag difference and all is one jujubee-self-hyping thingy like that All-iz-well BS aamir khan does in 3 idiots.

True to our stereotypes, majority do choose engineering. though we like to pretend we have full choices and all. just-u illusion.

Society will extend one finger and say “choose between the fingers kanna” .
if you ask “where is other finger??” means
it’ll show Middle finger.
But you see, I went through my entire school life having never failed…at anything. meaning not like small tests and all, just generally speaking i never failed.I did pretty well in my boards, got into a good-ish institute to the course I adamantly chose. I never badly failed at any extra curricular activities or sports I tried, Never had any issues so severe that I felt unhappy or depressed.  I never felt like a failure.

But the Absence of failure is not Success.

There is this quote of J.K. Rowling
she says
It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all – in which case, you fail by default”

The fear of failure, and the embarrassment that came with it stopped me from trying anything, and this was something I wasnt even aware of. It was just subconsciously wired into me. and whenever I thought about why I wasnt happy or succesful, I ended up blaming others. But there is an expiration date on blaming society. once you are aware and slightly mature, its upto you to try  and take control and challenge yourself to do something in real life as much as you do on Facebook.and while we are on that topic, bleddy stop facebook challenges da. Chumma ice bucket,aai bucket nu.

So,Go and pursue what makes you happy, that’s what passion is – its things that make you Happy

Because Happiness…Is Always The Goal Of life.

Apart from getting an IIT seat, that is.

Honest Vacations: Putting WAIT-EES To Life.

   Waitees!

Funny Fact to make you laugh at any time during this read when you get bored:

In Indonesian ‘SuSu’ means milk,and ‘garam’ means sugar. I kid you not.
I drank Garam-susu.*

I recently went on my first FORIEGN trip (The Gelf doesn’t count-its practically kerala) sponsored by my brother; co-sponsored by my parents. I noticed a lot of things during the trip , So I decided to write about it…. Actually to be honest I just want to put scene! Foriegn trip bro!
I will tell you big secret about these vacations…people think that the point of vacation is the time you spend there,away from home and all.
No No No. All lies.
vacation time is chumma jujubee. Main point of vacation is the time before and after it. i.e Scene putting. atleast a month before you leave, you must start telling your uncle,aunty,onnu-vitta-chithappa-oda-rendu-vitta-chitthi and every other person you see about the trip. That also if it is foriegn location means 2X times scene putting is compulsory, that too beach location means thats all. Vechi senjifying only.

Then when you return no? It is mandatory to flood-the-falooda out of facebook with your selfies… And pictures… And pictures-of-you-taking-a-selfie.That much you would’ve posted ki it feels like ‘why this kolaveri‘ itself didn’t come up as much as your pics did.
And it is also very important that the pictures are NOT of nice nice scenery and all.Never. it must be of you(and someone) giving kevalamana poses in front of those nicenice sceneries. People should see and feel stomach-burning no?
There is never a limit to how much you emphasize the fact that you’re in foriegn.
FB updates should be like
Going 2-bathroom at Bali- In: ‘bali-indonesia’, With: ‘balinese people’,feeling: ‘bali-fied’.
Then we should also buy chocolates that you get in the malligai kadai next door from Duty free and distribute to relatives and friends in proper proportions based on how much you care and how less annoying they are.

And ofcourse it is 100% mandatory to buy a teeshirt which says “I ♥ <InsertLocation>
for atleast 7x times the price its worth.

But the actual time you spend during the vacation is not important at all da. About half the time you should sit and complain.And it should not make any sense whatsoever.
You’ll sit in a beach and say it’s too humid, and get cranky if you get wet too much.
Maina complaining is about food only.That too if you are veg means trip is about sorru-searching rather than soul-searching. Menus will have animal names you’ve heard of only in discovery channel.And You’ll see the menu and immediately do ramanujam-level-mental-maths,full two-in-the-mind three-in-the-finger and convert it to Indian rupees and say “AYAYOO!Pah sooo costly yaa!“. I know da- Indian Instinct.
And only when you’re there youll have full cravings for masala dosa and veetu sapadu, and refuse to eat the local cuisines noodles and all. Other times youll sit and say homefood and hostel food is boring nu.
Infact,in our trip, we got so fed up by Foriegn food that we sat and made thayirsadham and rasam(from these ingenious instant-rasam-cubes) and ate it with chips.not lying- mummy-promise.

And then some times during these trips youll do something new and adventurous..like scuba diving, trekking and all. your fb posts about the same will say “whatte experience” , ” life-changing” ,”New-perspective-in-life” but that and all is bullshit, I say. Scuba-diving means inside water youll be thinking “karthare-ennai-kapaathungal”, “thathha-theriraaru” and all. some two three fish youll see and nice view youll get.but mainly full panic and allu-kelapifying-peelings only. chances are someone in your diving-group is going susu in the water.(It happens a lot-trust me).
But once you come outside, all that you hide, and agree with the public that it was a life changer.duh.Adventure sports 101 that is.

Then trekking nu you’ll sit and climb for some 2 hours in ultra-cold weather (that someone from chennai cannot able to take ya) just to see one sun rise like those screensaver picture types. YaYa it is beautiful and all, and you’ll tell everyone including yourself that it was worth the climb.But deep down?
only leg-pain you feel. also trekking time only your bladder will act all moody and you’ll be forced to do your business in the bushes.che, karumam.

Then First thing you’ll do as soon as you reach any hotel or restaraunt is ask for their wifi password.
Then you’ll sit in the hotel room for majority of the time and try to stream GOT final episode or watch Vijay Tv-saravanan meenakshi online.
Then you’ll sit and make atleast 34 office-calls/day about that one document that must be dispatched immediately.
Then you’ll go through your entire newsfeed and do your usual stalking routines.
Aah Vacations! :’)

But somehow at the end of some vacations, you feel different.

I do.

I had a lot of fun, inevitably learnt a few things,Bonded with my bruh-(trying not to sound awkward/cheesy) and became slightly less confused about certain things, And maina made some vera-level friends who became my bali-family.

you know, Sometimes we all need to put waitees to life.But always make sure you like your life So much that the vacation ending doesn’t make you sad. *ThathuvamTime*
P.S: Thanks to those people for not treating me like I was born yesterday afternoon just because they are all way older to me. Nandri hai.
P.P.S:Garam means salt actually, I said sugar for the sake of the joke. pliss to forgive factual inaccuracy .

Now go! go on a  vacation somewhere! and don’t forget to put scene on the day you’re back saying youre”Experiencing jet lag” even if you just went to Srilanka!

And Check out  “This guy’s on his own trip!” on Fb.