Funny Fact to make you laugh at any time during this read when you get bored:
In Indonesian ‘SuSu’ means milk,and ‘garam’ means sugar. I kid you not.
I drank Garam-susu.*
I recently went on my first FORIEGN trip (The Gelf doesn’t count-its practically kerala) sponsored by my brother; co-sponsored by my parents. I noticed a lot of things during the trip , So I decided to write about it…. Actually to be honest I just want to put scene! Foriegn trip bro!
I will tell you big secret about these vacations…people think that the point of vacation is the time you spend there,away from home and all.
No No No. All lies.
vacation time is chumma jujubee. Main point of vacation is the time before and after it. i.e Scene putting. atleast a month before you leave, you must start telling your uncle,aunty,onnu-vitta-chithappa-oda-rendu-vitta-chitthi and every other person you see about the trip. That also if it is foriegn location means 2X times scene putting is compulsory, that too beach location means thats all. Vechi senjifying only.
Then when you return no? It is mandatory to flood-the-falooda out of facebook with your selfies… And pictures… And pictures-of-you-taking-a-selfie.That much you would’ve posted ki it feels like ‘why this kolaveri‘ itself didn’t come up as much as your pics did.
And it is also very important that the pictures are NOT of nice nice scenery and all.Never. it must be of you(and someone) giving kevalamana poses in front of those nicenice sceneries. People should see and feel stomach-burning no?
There is never a limit to how much you emphasize the fact that you’re in foriegn.
FB updates should be like
“Going 2-bathroom at Bali- In: ‘bali-indonesia’, With: ‘balinese people’,feeling: ‘bali-fied’.”
Then we should also buy chocolates that you get in the malligai kadai next door from Duty free and distribute to relatives and friends in proper proportions based on how much you care and how less annoying they are.
And ofcourse it is 100% mandatory to buy a teeshirt which says “I ♥ <InsertLocation>”
for atleast 7x times the price its worth.
But the actual time you spend during the vacation is not important at all da. About half the time you should sit and complain.And it should not make any sense whatsoever.
You’ll sit in a beach and say it’s too humid, and get cranky if you get wet too much.
Maina complaining is about food only.That too if you are veg means trip is about sorru-searching rather than soul-searching. Menus will have animal names you’ve heard of only in discovery channel.And You’ll see the menu and immediately do ramanujam-level-mental-maths,full two-in-the-mind three-in-the-finger and convert it to Indian rupees and say “AYAYOO!Pah sooo costly yaa!“. I know da- Indian Instinct.
And only when you’re there youll have full cravings for masala dosa and veetu sapadu, and refuse to eat the local cuisines noodles and all. Other times youll sit and say homefood and hostel food is boring nu.
Infact,in our trip, we got so fed up by Foriegn food that we sat and made thayirsadham and rasam(from these ingenious instant-rasam-cubes) and ate it with chips.not lying- mummy-promise.
And then some times during these trips youll do something new and adventurous..like scuba diving, trekking and all. your fb posts about the same will say “whatte experience” , ” life-changing” ,”New-perspective-in-life” but that and all is bullshit, I say. Scuba-diving means inside water youll be thinking “karthare-ennai-kapaathungal”, “thathha-theriraaru” and all. some two three fish youll see and nice view youll get.but mainly full panic and allu-kelapifying-peelings only. chances are someone in your diving-group is going susu in the water.(It happens a lot-trust me).
But once you come outside, all that you hide, and agree with the public that it was a life changer.duh.Adventure sports 101 that is.
Then trekking nu you’ll sit and climb for some 2 hours in ultra-cold weather (that someone from chennai cannot able to take ya) just to see one sun rise like those screensaver picture types. YaYa it is beautiful and all, and you’ll tell everyone including yourself that it was worth the climb.But deep down?
only leg-pain you feel. also trekking time only your bladder will act all moody and you’ll be forced to do your business in the bushes.che, karumam.
Then First thing you’ll do as soon as you reach any hotel or restaraunt is ask for their wifi password.
Then you’ll sit in the hotel room for majority of the time and try to stream GOT final episode or watch Vijay Tv-saravanan meenakshi online.
Then you’ll sit and make atleast 34 office-calls/day about that one document that must be dispatched immediately.
Then you’ll go through your entire newsfeed and do your usual stalking routines.
Aah Vacations! :’)
But somehow at the end of some vacations, you feel different.
I had a lot of fun, inevitably learnt a few things,Bonded with my bruh-(trying not to sound awkward/cheesy) and became slightly less confused about certain things, And maina made some vera-level friends who became my bali-family.
you know, Sometimes we all need to put waitees to life.But always make sure you like your life So much that the vacation ending doesn’t make you sad. *ThathuvamTime*
P.S: Thanks to those people for not treating me like I was born yesterday afternoon just because they are all way older to me. Nandri hai.
P.P.S:Garam means salt actually, I said sugar for the sake of the joke. pliss to forgive factual inaccuracy .
Now go! go on a vacation somewhere! and don’t forget to put scene on the day you’re back saying youre”Experiencing jet lag” even if you just went to Srilanka!
And Check out “This guy’s on his own trip!” on Fb.