What is this Birthday nonsense?

I was asking my friend what he is planning to do for his birthday and he told me he thought birthdays were  kinda stupid. The more I thought about it the more I agreed. So while waiting for my stupid bus to take me to my stupid college, I typed this out.  Now I’m posting it, my bus is here, okay bye.

Hey you! Birthday Boy.

You’re one year old. It’s your birthday. Your parents have called every relative of theirs(equal numbers from dad’s and mom’s sides) ,a number of office friends who’ll remind you of this years later, the entire apartment (and all their relatives also). There are huge Mickey mouse cakes, uncomfortable, pointy hats with rubber twines that cut into your grandad’s triple chins and neck fat, and atleast three handheld video cameras. Everyone’s having a great time. You, on the other hand, still shit your pants and lack the mental development to even understand that watery poopoo not equal to sambar rice, let alone appreciate the love and feel special. You cry, puke, and cry some more.

You’re eight years old. Your best friend that you absolutely love(in a friendly way, don’t mistake) just had his birthday party in pizza hut. There were party games, return gifts(wtf), and ball pits. Also pizza. You ask your parents to throw you a big party like that. They politely ask you to go back to sucking on your thumb and buy you the same Mickey mouse cake. Three friends turn up, you know it’s because they are Mickey mouse fans. You hate your parents, Mickey mouse, and your bestfriend(in a friendly way,don’t mistake). You throw a tantrum till they throw a big party for your next birthday. Congrats, your father’s one month salary is now spent on balls(for pizza hut). forty kids turn up this year. You know about ten of them. They all expect return gifts(wtf) Welcome to the real world.

You’re seventeen now. You are in twelfth grade, have a horrible haircut, and shave seven times a week for absolutely no reason. You have planned surprise parties for all your friends so that they’ll throw one for you. You expect something big, they have to spend atleast 5K for you to break even. It’s tough business, these birthdays. Three friends turn up at your place. They got you a cake. What it’s not is costly; what it is is butterscotch(yuck). You act pleasantly surprised though you’re neither pleasant nor surprised. You feel disappointed. You feel lonely. You feel like the opposite of special. You post a photo on Facebook and get some likes. Your self esteem gets a boost but doesn’t learn that pride cometh before the fall. A photo of your classmate’s new nail polish gets more likes. You tell yourself it’s because she is a girl. You tell yourself it’s the wrong shade of pink for her. You tell yourself that people would care if you put nailpolish too. But at the same time you wave your self-esteem bye-bye.

You’re twenty. You’re in college. You’ve tried and tried and finally become cool by brute force. You have a ‘gang’ that insists that birthdays must be spent by accelerating the death of your liver. Fleeting happiness comes with the first bottle, half your friends pass out on the second, the rest leave after the third. You sit there silently suffering from existential crisis. You try and fail to come to terms with the only identity you have: A mediocre nihilist. Afraid to care. You still don’t feel special. You wonder what everyone celebrates year after year. You decide that birthdays are stupid.

Hey you. Happy birthday.




Dei Barber Bhaiyya!

I think there should be some amendment thingy in the constitution that says: parents and teachers should not have the right to force you to cut your hair. 

Hmm… maybe I’ll put Facebook petition and make people sign. #ActivistDude

First off, all these public speaking courses and all are okay, what I really need is one barber speaking course. No, seriously. You put me in a room full of beautiful girls and nicely I’ll talk all day long, but if you leave me inside salon without my Amma Appa, I’ll just sit there and stare at that one TV in the corner playing Saravanan meenakshi on star vijay(will they get married, will they not? suspense is too much ya!), but seriously, can you put me in a room full of beautiful girls? Seriously.

Only some one year back I picked up the courage to talk to barbers, so this time when I went I had already sat down with my Saetu friend and practiced my instructions in Hindi for that guy. So the minute I saw him I just felt like I was back in 9th grade 2nd language Hindi class, vomiting my mugged up essay about how ‘gow hamara maatha hai!’

So i walked inside and saw that barber bhaiyya. He only has one vomit-inducing haircut that 3rd graders call spikes. with what confidence I’m going to him god only knows. Anyways I’ll immediately launch into one 2 minute breathless speech that Shankar mahadevan would’ve been proud of – “bhaiyya, aap side mein under ko cut karke, upperberth se 3-2-1 ka fade karvaalo aur uski baadh back my machine math daalneka, hair ko medium long 4.34 inches rakhdhena bahuth bahuth shukriya.

All this he will listen in one ear and leave out of the other like I’m some substitute teacher asking class to be silent. Then he will sit me down, wrap a white cloth around me, and just whistle. All of this he will do slowly, but semma speed-a he will take scissors and go fizzk-fizzk-fizzk and next second my seat will look like some Tarantino movie with hair instead of blood, and sometimes blood also.

Barbers have their own special language where long means short and medium means short and short also means short, basically everything means short and he is a choothiya. I’m sure my Amma gave him secret instructions to do this. So what if she is all the way in Bangalore and I got haircut in Calicut, this is all her conspiracy, I just knewed it!

Throughout this tragedy ill just be sitting there, staring at my reflection, watching the tears flow down my cheeks like tiny drops of regret, flowing down my ..um.. cheeks, only breaking eye contact with myself when he snips threateningly at my ear or manhandles my head and I hear some krrrkmrukk cracking sound from my neck.

Listen: These guys are evil. Barbers are predators who capitalize on the insecurities that every single person has- the knowledge that deep down, all of us believe we are super-duper ugly. He will ask you if you want special ayurvedic facewash to clear your blackheads; that your oily face requires this lotion from the Nile River of the Amazon jungles; and he will ask you to shave your non-existent, pre-pubescent beard. Then he will charge you 3500 rupees and make you thank him for getting rid of blackheads, dandruff, oily T zones and a lack of insecurities that you didn’t know you had until half an hour ago. whatte-wow-strategy. Self-help book writers take note!

After all this torture I sent a picture to Amma and she took one long look at it and said- what is this? He didn’t cut only or what! It still looks like a kuruvi koodu.

Ada ponga boss, IAmcannotabletotakeit.







The Mentally Obese

The fat kid inside all of us…

err…that came out wrong. Never mind.

You know that moment when you feel some sort of overwhelming urge to ‘do’ something and then start introspecting/retrospecting  and realize  you have no idea what you want to do or what you are doing with your life and that nothing is clear anymore , there are layers of confusion that look like ooty-winter-fog types but is actually diwali-crackers-smog and you just decide to ” go with the flow” because it feels comfortable and there’s too much inertia to change… and then forget all about it by mindlessly scrolling through your FB news feed?

I wanna talk about that moment.

Yep I suck at introductions.

But recently, that sort of simple-harmonic-oscillation-between-self-loathing-induced-existential-crisis-followed-by-urge-to-do-shit-followed-by-pointless-time-wasting-on-social-media-followed-by-more-self-loathing…you get the point, see this had become my default mood a few months back. It reached a tipping point where the urge-to-do-shit coupled with the self-loathing-thingy pushed me enough to get over the worshtttu enemy of productivity: Inertia.

So while wasting 98.3% of my time thinking and questioning myself and every person i know about whether they feel like they’re “doing shit” in life, trying very hard not to sound like some self help/philosophy author dude who gives you 4-magic-mantras-of-successful-and-fulfilling -life, 3.999 of which will be so vague-like #BeYourself that you will end up more confused than you started. Paulo-Coehlo’s-alchemist left me like “wut?”

*side note: just wanna mention George Carlin’s witty af observation: ” if you’re looking for self help why would you read a book written by someone else? thats not self help , thats help!” whattewow!

So Allow me to pretend like I came up with my very own ultra original out of the box method of explaining my ideology by personifying the mind, a method which i definitely did not copy from my favorite blogs like waitbutwhy/Theoatmeal/hyperbole&ahalf.

Pffftt duh nope.

I like to think that inside our heads, there is this fellow who is like our mind-genie-thingy who takes care of all the shit that goes on in there. For me, it is this superhero called “Mind-Voice-Machan” I think that whenever people say they have an inner voice…. or their spiritual self… all that is kinda too cheesy so many of us aren’t comfortable with adopting such ideas without feeling like someone put 11.7kgs of jaggery down our throats.So instead let’s give it an immature persona so that we don’t feel like this is some deep soul searching stuff.


So mind voice machan!mvm.jpg

This fellow has a lot of superpowers you see, like…

You know when you are attempting to flirt with this aishwarya rai level figure, and then suddenly out of nowhere you say some kabir-ke-dohe-level-poetry surprising yourself more than her?

Or when you are writing chemistry exam,and you bullshit 3 pages while sounding like Stephen Hawking on steroids, but actually all you are trying to say is “since the electron is in the outermost orbit, distance increases, so ionization enthalpy decreases…hence Rhs=Lhs

Or when we wanna post a picture on facebook and we manage to come up with a witty caption that ensures we get maximum no. of likes and comments and with that the crucial but short lived  boost to our fragile egos.

All of that, full credits goes to MindVoiceMachan.

He is basically your creative genie. He is the pilot of the spaceship that is your mind, he is the force behind your life, the light at the end of the tunnel, he is the one that fits into any other  vague spiritual sounding analogies  that I can come up with.

okay basically I mean, He makes you the individual you are. He makes you Unique.

So far so good. Nice fellow he seems like no?

But, and this is a very huggeeee But, and the main part of my post-So i will give subheading and all. because I want to… but for lack of a title

The ‘BUT’

MVM gets his powers from the creative content that you consume. The books you read, the movies you watch, and of course, the people you interact with. And his diet was all nice healthy nutritious balanced diet and all.. until.. this facebook thing came along.

Now bloody, there is information overload .Everywhere on the screen , stuff is just thrown at you.And even off facebook-newspapers, TV and ofcourse WHATSAPP FORWARD GROUPS OMFG, everything is filled with excess of information that’s easily accessible and more often than not, thrust upon us without us demanding.

so this MVM is eating niceellly and becoming one fat fellow.

But its not just about the quantity, its about the quality.

And that’s where the Big But is.

The Big,Ugly & Hairy But.


The Quality of what we consume is absolutely terrible.

Substandard content like buzzfeed listicles , TimesOfIndia articles, 423 shitty movies which all have the same plot,same joke,same actor, but different heroine and seven lakh plus write ups about what virat kohli and anushka were fighting about , because celebrities private life must be celebrated.

I could even make a list of top hundred shitty websites which are purely dedicated to putting up clickbait posts..

And you wont believe what is no.4 on that list….

getit?! no? ok.

You see, your genie is addicted to eating junk food. lots and lots of it.

Mind-Voice-Machan is mentally obese.

captain america became captain underpants(just for the fitness analogy, all other ways captain Underpants is a rockzz!)


And you know what they mean when they say garbage in garbage out right?!

not a rhetorical question, i seriously dont know…pliss tell. But it sounds like what Im trying to convey here; that if you consume shit, then what you give out is also prone to be shit.

I know your mind voice is going – “That and all is okay… now what to do?”


What would you do if you are physically obese? work towards getting healthier.

same way its time to get our mentally obese machan back in shape. And after bashing the clickbait-listicle-sites and making a lame joke on that, I will proceed to make a list of 6 points about working against mental obesity, which I’m not able to put under a title and hence made this paragraph to divert your attention. moving on…


  1. CREATE: if consuming a lot of this junk makes us mentally obese, then the art of creating something- be it music, drawing, writing , talking or just anything original, is the mental equivalent of working out.
  2. BE CHOOSY AF ABOUT WHAT YOU CONSUME : I know , when it comes to food , eating healthy may not be such an exciting option, but when it comes to the creative content that you consume… Your taste is everything. It’s an amazing process-discovering what you like, and hence who you are. And when it comes to that, keep an open mind about everything you consume, but once you find out something is not for you- avoid it. and if something sparks your interest, for gods sake, be crazily-super-duper-passionate about it.
  3. DON’T BE A DICK: I do sort of believe that there is no ‘good art’ or ‘bad art’. what works for you might not work for someone else, so try to ease up on the criticism. there’s a thin line between constructive criticism and being a blind dick.I still don’t know why I used to randomly hate Justin Beiber and call him gay or say that he deserved to die. but admit it , we all have done that, and still do shit like that. Try to reason through any opinion to find out if it is truly yours or simply something you borrowed.
  4. LEVEL UP, NOT DOWN– While art is subjective, I do think that anything you consume should “Level Up” your MindVoiceMachan, Not lower him down. so when you find something grossly insulting to your intellect, please ffs avoid it.
  5. APPRECIATE: Once you start working out your MVM, its your duty to appreciate and encourage others who are trying to do the same. Speak freely and from the heart about anything which means a lot to you. Passion is like madras eye, one fellow gets means, soon entire class is gonna be wearing cooling glasses and looking full thug life video types. Being a positive influence on others and improving yourself are closely related to each other.
    When we are fat, hitting the gym once ain’t gonna cut it. neither is dieting a day. yes, you could “try calling 22442424 to lose 7 kgs in 7 days,magic slimming formula made from ayurveda-&-amazon-forest-herbs.” But sadly, such Genuine 100% working quick fixes do not exist for mental obesity.
    Expect anything worthwhile to take a long time. The myth of overnight success, is just that- a myth. Being religious about your passion is, in my opinion, The Bestestestest trait any person can have.  (that hindu muslim religion and all is one stupid thing, but that’s for another day/post)
    and if you feel annoyed by how unsatisfactory your output is- click on  This cool hyperlink thing I’ve done and listen to Ira glass’ brilliant take on the creative process.Remember that frustration I talked about in the intro… the “arrggghhhh” feeling. That doesn’t just go away even after you start.. its replaced by something more beautiful- Passion, and that’s a million times more frustrating.

So that’s that, now we are all ready to get-set-gooooo……right?

The Return Of The Big,Ugly & Hairy  BUT

BUT then again, There is a cynical side to all of us. And whenever we feel the urge to do anything, it shuts us down. maybe because its too scared to try, for what if we fail? maybe it cant get over the inertia that resists change, maybe it truly makes us believe that we’re just not good enough. Many times, this cynic in us hides in plain sight- my favorite is the 2Cool4Dis-lazy-dude excuse; when we either put something down, saying its shit or ‘uncool’, to justify us not trying enough. or we say we are “lazy”- an excuse which is considered cool by all- when the real reason is inertia/fear of embarrassment.I went through/am going through this exact same phase,and probably so are many other Youth-Dudes

And right now that cynic is Screaming out this one question.

Why bother doing any of this?

There is a vitality, a life force, an energy, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all of time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and it will be lost. The world will not have it. It is not your business to determine how good it is nor how valuable nor how it compares with other expressions. It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open. You do not even have to believe in yourself or your work. You have to keep yourself open and aware to the urges that motivate you. Keep the channel open. …

No artist is pleased. There is no satisfaction whatever at any time. There is only a queer divine dissatisfaction, a blessed unrest that keeps us marching and makes us more alive than the others.

So, in the context of the above lines…Go get a life! yeah?

To all my fellow Mentally Obese Machans- Lets Get Slimming.

And if something tries to stop you….

axwn3eyAll Hail Vennu Malesh.

(having Huge internal conflicts whether or not to just pass that last paragraph off as something i wrote… Damn i wish i wrote that. fiiine- its by martha graham(or is it?)

p.s : Check out cool logo which was totally not made in paint.

r-u-a-tru-chennaite? Tak dis tst 2 fnd out

10 Things that will prove you are a true chennaite (You will not believe #4 😮 )

Yevrrrybody is making Chennai posts video and all no? Why I should leave off? I am also rowdydhaan so I am also writing the chennai posts.
Also, I’ll be shifting from Chennai soon, and this is mera Kaneer-Anjali-Poster for the 18 years I spent here.

This is a test to check if you are a true chennaite.
If you don’t pass this test means you are not true Chennaite. thats all.
Ready a?
start musiq.

1. You must say you are a proud chennaite, even if you live in some cook-graamam(MMKRcrazymohanreferenceyo) called gerrugambakkam or something in the outskirts of a small town called porur which is in the outskirts of the suburbs of chennai.

2. Atleast once you should have questioned some rash driver fellow if he “informed and came from home a?”

3. You should bokku-nu-vailaye kuthify those who constantly and relentlessly complain about the “chennai wheather” as if they were born with Attached AC suit from sivaji movie. that is 3-much (2much+1).

4.Whenever any Hindi(read saetu) aunty utters the word “beta” your mind-voice-vadivelu must subconciously reply saying “beta lam enga ma tharanga? verum pongalum puliyodharayum dhaan“.

5. You must be a die-hard Rajini fan.no choice and all.

6. You must constantly question/be questioned regarding which school you studied in, even years after you pass out. It is yuvar identity sorta like the house thingy In Game-Of-Thrones.( jestu ipo dhaan started watching GOT to ensure that Im a kewl dood) I usually loud-a say “PSBB” and silent-a-muzhingify the “Millennium”. Trickz.

7. You must put Over vetti scene to all your friends about how you “hate these serials that old aunties and all watch nowadays yaa!” but secretly go home and watch Vani rani and saravanan meenakshi season 108 Episode:7.5. ( Will saravanan marry meenakshi.? Womygawwdd whatte suspense sir-ji)

8.YOU MUST HATE HINDI FOR NO REASON AT ALL (but still take it as secondlanguage and suffer and then later realize its kinda useful&nice-nice actually). logic a? Who youre looking and what youre asking? kuru ketta koobe.(panchathanthiramCrazymohanReferenceyo)  Also Fuck MumbaiIndians and other mokke IPL teams.#CSKthirumbiVarumDaDei


9.You must have encountered atleast one josiyam telling akka in the beach who somehow managed to make you her customer. Then youll pretend like you don’t believe in this “stupid superstitions” but actually you will listen nice-a and later mandayakozhapify over her predictions /how she knew you have thanni-la-gandam/how to prevent the imminent seven&half-sanni in your life.

10. If you are male, then atleast once you should’ve travelled by an mtc bus which was full only gents side la, and you thought you could get away with sitting in the ladies seat after checking if any females are standing.. only to be Suddenly confronted by an angry maami who appeared out of nowhere like one zubat and tells” cha ladies seat la okaririye? unaku asingama illa? indha generation-e ipdi dhaan”  What-a-kodumai-this-is-saravana-sir .


What? You are not passing the test? cha, this also you can’t pass a? your cousin kichu probably got full marks. disappointment you are.

but wait, there is one more point.

All these things don’t matter.It also doesn’t matter where you’re from,how long you’ve been here,where all you’ve been,how much you have done for this city.blahblah
All that matters is that you love the city.
Because this city loves you. (Punch#1)

and to others,
we know man ki the weather is not all jill-jill-cool-cool navaratna-oil types,
we know that we don’t keep fixating on the NytLyf and the partyscenezz.
we know you are jealous that we can watch any movie at any Theatre with jestu noorthi-iravathu-rooba. muahahaha.

We don’t love this city because its perfect.

we love it because its ours. (Punch#2)

I’ll miss you Chennai.
my parents super timing la decided they want to move to Bangalore.
Cauveri-verri la enga car-a thookidaadhinga boss!

inimeltu Eli noddu-Enu baeku-adjust maadi Vonnly.

officially  IyAmTheNRC – Non resident Chennaite.

I will Be back
Will be back
Be back





Politics Of The Pankajam Apartments

Laydeees and Gendalmaaanz.

I will tell you one very kutti-chotta-short story.
One Ooru la one apartment was irundhuchaam.
That apartment la irrespective of whether there was current, water, malligai kadai(jasmine-shop),tea kadai,Saakadai,potti kadai(Box-shop),kaiyendhibhavan(Hand-Extend-hotel)etc – One thing was always there

*nerrrupu daa*

These kids and all Molachi Moonu yela Vidala, aana vaai mattum wayanaad varaikum poitu varum.(sprouted but no.of.leaves <=3, but mouth is talking till mount-road) Like that apartment only one apartment I lived in when I was small.

Full day time la apartment will be in pin drop silence, but evening 4 PM onwards its actually 7.5 started for Adults. All hell,heaven everything will break loose.
We will gulp-u gulp-u nu drink down our Booshttu! And immediately Run off to our meeting-point-

The-Motta-Maadi!  (Bald-Terrace)

There we will meet up and first discuss Current Affairs*”dei,yesterday 4-30  pokemon show you saw-a??that boy ash-e that big charizard dragon didnt even madhichify(respect) da.”*
Politics *”dei, that krishnan uncle keeps saying the association wont let us play cricket in the parking lot, that uncle sotta-mandai-ya we should hit with stumper ball only!” (“Enaddhu stumper a?? – seri ok, cosco enough”)
And Linguistics *”ey anithaa!- your anna called my anna paradesi di, that is some bad word only no??”*

Then after the Informal Caucus Session, the gang leaders will enter,which means finger-on-the-lips silence only..You see, leaders are the 5th graders, the people who could actually lift an SS cricket bat, the ones who had 3 sets of pokemon/cricket/WWE cards, and ofcourse, the ones who knew the most bad words- Street-Cred Means this – learn da Emin3m.

So,me and the other 3rd standard fellows sat in a circle as the leaders – flatNos.3C-Trisha and 6A-Shekar approached.
We immediately got to the main-point of the meeting. (3rd standard me is giggling at the words “main point”)
ok now also, im giggling…
Anyways- so we had to decide what we were going to play that day.

Shekar said GI Joe | Trisha said Barbies.


Dai Marvel-fellos This is only original civil war.
soon we were divided, both teams passionate about our causes, strong in our beliefs and loyal to our leaders.
Now dont come and tell me ki what is this, anyway whatever you are doing is not something so useful!, It does only little good for kids to play, but they should do something more productive


we dont want to get better and all, we just want to play.
so the leaders decided we should vote (i.e: raise hands) and decide what we want..
at first, shekar was the majority..But this, was like a game of chess.
And it takes more than one move.Trisha made hers

eyy listen no? ill give all of you five star chocolates pa! now tell , what you want to play?

Trisha 1 : Shekar 0

shekar na summava?

He immediately uses his trump card, goes home and brings his Amma’s special world-famous-in-avar-apartment pav bhajji!! And if we see saetu-veetu-chat-u and all means we will obviously fall for it no?

shekar’s back in the lead.

3C Trisha is not one to lose to that songi boy shekar and all.

Silenta-irundhu-Sorrnaakka-level rowdy-ism she did and told ” eyy gurll, he is bad boy di! you will take his side means I am pechu-kaa thats all, all of them said sorry and did pazham+tied friendship band and all.

While this highly intellectual battle of wits and grey matter was taking place, enter Nazar shah, the 5th standard smart fellow, who doesnt bully the kids and goes to music class, chess class and all.
So this fellow sees that all of us are wasting our times when we could be doing something useful, he was carrying a science expt kit and asked us if we wanted to play with this instead
That and all no need.Nee moodu ” apdeenu chorus-a all of us told making our leaders both get anandha kaneer.(Um..Tears-of-anand)
Nazar thought this whole playing-business is one dirty sakkadai.(drainage) Why should i help them and all? maanam ketta naaiyinga.” (Shame-spoiled-puppies) and he left.

Soon it was time, and the ultra-super-final voting started…
As usual, Half the Gang didnt give a damn.
Out of the rest,
4C-Faisal did inky pinky ponky and chose trisha.
9A-Nayanthara blindly chose trisha too-Bffs you see, and quite a sweet tooth with a soft corner for five stars didnt hurt.
7G-shambashivan decided to choose shekar saying “dei i really think his ideas are better da, from a practical point of view,based on extensive research of the SST textbooks…” but soon the truth comes out in the form of a pav-bhajji smelling Fa-rp.
I also chose shekar because shambu was my best friend da. what else i can do??If one monkey throws cap, means That monkey-oda-machan will also throw no?
6E-srinidhi was gonna be the deciding vote….. nails were bitten,curls were twirled, chaos ensued, and finally she made her decision.

Barbie it was!

So Next 5 hours-ku Trisha’s barbie only, who knows maybe after that it will be GI joes, then barbie.. then again barbie..then maybe GI joe’s-son…hmm.

Retrospect-la that was some shitty politics,neither side was actually doing anything good, nor were their plans any different. That one Nazar fellow who couldve done something proper also didnt bother to. And we just chose sides based on slightly-very-very-bad-logic influenced by Freebies.

Thank god thats Not How Govt Elections work.

Wait-a-nimute. Oh Crap!
P.S: Any resemblance to real people or events is purely coincidental and markets-are-subject-to-risk-please-read-the-terms-and-conditions-apply.

P.S #2: some people told me they dont understand much because of the tamizh references.. since i went through the senjification-of-second-language-hindi for 10 years, I am understandings. ive directly translated wherever i felt like it… it doesnt help much..or at all, but its fun. Language means for communication only..so context and all you understand means Im v.v.happy.

Life of the Indian-high-school-Yoooth-Dyude.

pre-note:This is mostly me talking to myself.I do that a lot . Also i finallly got enough engalees and humor sense and all to understand calvin and hobbes, Falling in louwe with it.

Start musiq.

Once upon a time long long ago, so long ago..that is 3 years back -11th starting la I chose Computer science group.. just because it sounded a coolz and because I got enough CGPA in the overhyped waw-of-the-waw tenth board exams but Mostly because I cant draw for shit and for some reason was convinced that I suck at bio cuz of that.

what? you’re thinking why not commerce a? Poda.
commerce and all not even in the picture, I mean.. bleddy they will Wonnnnly teach/glorify/soap-pottufy science subjects and then suddenly say “If you want means you can take commerce..I wouldnt recommend it, but you can take…i mean…. you seriously shouldnt unless you have no other friggin choice...but you can take.
Bleddy who will feel like going through the effort of fighting with your parents and take it after this man? only half way through 11th people will realize ki they got senjified(Screwed).

Then after choosing stream, next step is what? over ambitious parents will paavama put all their hopes (read:Emotional-Athyaachaar) and join us off in one JEE Coaching class(notice how its always called coaching classes, because they don’t wanna be confused with the ‘tuitions‘ that people go for boards which is beneath them .yuckz)
Jee classes are the Biggest-Scam-In-The-Indian-History-Of-The-Education-System(Brilliant Start-Up idea though) but to be fair, I had the beshtu parents, who never forced me into any thing. But all this I myself went and got myself Senjified. I joined in this one centre which i wont name for legal reasons (hint:rhymes with kaakaash). there 2 years went by, mostly with me complaining like a bitch about how i have to travel 452 hours :departure from porur and arrival at adyar.

Then for some reason school la they have something against these jee classes, and jee fellows constantly belittle boards. and like a child in a bad marriage, all students will be stuck in between this ego problem.Shabba from every side they will throw homework assignments tests and all and say study daily. lol.
as if we study daily. anyway day before exam only we will call the good-gals of the class and say “eyy send notes pictures in whatsapp group dii”. and sit and mug up and vomit in exam to get some marks.

Around February only we will start propera studying for boards- then because of the constant bombardment of sample papers mock exams clusters and what not, concept of studying for the sake of learning and all is obsolete.(Cue:Sophisticated word) by this time, we somewhat crack board exams’ formula methods and get somewhat good marks also. Then in one week we will sit and try our best for entrances and that also something will click or else also no problem. because at the end of the day, all colleges more or less same educational standards only. chumma tag difference and all is one jujubee-self-hyping thingy like that All-iz-well BS aamir khan does in 3 idiots.

True to our stereotypes, majority do choose engineering. though we like to pretend we have full choices and all. just-u illusion.

Society will extend one finger and say “choose between the fingers kanna” .
if you ask “where is other finger??” means
it’ll show Middle finger.
But you see, I went through my entire school life having never failed…at anything. meaning not like small tests and all, just generally speaking i never failed.I did pretty well in my boards, got into a good-ish institute to the course I adamantly chose. I never badly failed at any extra curricular activities or sports I tried, Never had any issues so severe that I felt unhappy or depressed.  I never felt like a failure.

But the Absence of failure is not Success.

There is this quote of J.K. Rowling
she says
It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all – in which case, you fail by default”

The fear of failure, and the embarrassment that came with it stopped me from trying anything, and this was something I wasnt even aware of. It was just subconsciously wired into me. and whenever I thought about why I wasnt happy or succesful, I ended up blaming others. But there is an expiration date on blaming society. once you are aware and slightly mature, its upto you to try  and take control and challenge yourself to do something in real life as much as you do on Facebook.and while we are on that topic, bleddy stop facebook challenges da. Chumma ice bucket,aai bucket nu.

So,Go and pursue what makes you happy, that’s what passion is – its things that make you Happy

Because Happiness…Is Always The Goal Of life.

Apart from getting an IIT seat, that is.

Honest Vacations: Putting WAIT-EES To Life.


Funny Fact to make you laugh at any time during this read when you get bored:

In Indonesian ‘SuSu’ means milk,and ‘garam’ means sugar. I kid you not.
I drank Garam-susu.*

I recently went on my first FORIEGN trip (The Gelf doesn’t count-its practically kerala) sponsored by my brother; co-sponsored by my parents. I noticed a lot of things during the trip , So I decided to write about it…. Actually to be honest I just want to put scene! Foriegn trip bro!
I will tell you big secret about these vacations…people think that the point of vacation is the time you spend there,away from home and all.
No No No. All lies.
vacation time is chumma jujubee. Main point of vacation is the time before and after it. i.e Scene putting. atleast a month before you leave, you must start telling your uncle,aunty,onnu-vitta-chithappa-oda-rendu-vitta-chitthi and every other person you see about the trip. That also if it is foriegn location means 2X times scene putting is compulsory, that too beach location means thats all. Vechi senjifying only.

Then when you return no? It is mandatory to flood-the-falooda out of facebook with your selfies… And pictures… And pictures-of-you-taking-a-selfie.That much you would’ve posted ki it feels like ‘why this kolaveri‘ itself didn’t come up as much as your pics did.
And it is also very important that the pictures are NOT of nice nice scenery and all.Never. it must be of you(and someone) giving kevalamana poses in front of those nicenice sceneries. People should see and feel stomach-burning no?
There is never a limit to how much you emphasize the fact that you’re in foriegn.
FB updates should be like
Going 2-bathroom at Bali- In: ‘bali-indonesia’, With: ‘balinese people’,feeling: ‘bali-fied’.
Then we should also buy chocolates that you get in the malligai kadai next door from Duty free and distribute to relatives and friends in proper proportions based on how much you care and how less annoying they are.

And ofcourse it is 100% mandatory to buy a teeshirt which says “I ♥ <InsertLocation>
for atleast 7x times the price its worth.

But the actual time you spend during the vacation is not important at all da. About half the time you should sit and complain.And it should not make any sense whatsoever.
You’ll sit in a beach and say it’s too humid, and get cranky if you get wet too much.
Maina complaining is about food only.That too if you are veg means trip is about sorru-searching rather than soul-searching. Menus will have animal names you’ve heard of only in discovery channel.And You’ll see the menu and immediately do ramanujam-level-mental-maths,full two-in-the-mind three-in-the-finger and convert it to Indian rupees and say “AYAYOO!Pah sooo costly yaa!“. I know da- Indian Instinct.
And only when you’re there youll have full cravings for masala dosa and veetu sapadu, and refuse to eat the local cuisines noodles and all. Other times youll sit and say homefood and hostel food is boring nu.
Infact,in our trip, we got so fed up by Foriegn food that we sat and made thayirsadham and rasam(from these ingenious instant-rasam-cubes) and ate it with chips.not lying- mummy-promise.

And then some times during these trips youll do something new and adventurous..like scuba diving, trekking and all. your fb posts about the same will say “whatte experience” , ” life-changing” ,”New-perspective-in-life” but that and all is bullshit, I say. Scuba-diving means inside water youll be thinking “karthare-ennai-kapaathungal”, “thathha-theriraaru” and all. some two three fish youll see and nice view youll get.but mainly full panic and allu-kelapifying-peelings only. chances are someone in your diving-group is going susu in the water.(It happens a lot-trust me).
But once you come outside, all that you hide, and agree with the public that it was a life changer.duh.Adventure sports 101 that is.

Then trekking nu you’ll sit and climb for some 2 hours in ultra-cold weather (that someone from chennai cannot able to take ya) just to see one sun rise like those screensaver picture types. YaYa it is beautiful and all, and you’ll tell everyone including yourself that it was worth the climb.But deep down?
only leg-pain you feel. also trekking time only your bladder will act all moody and you’ll be forced to do your business in the bushes.che, karumam.

Then First thing you’ll do as soon as you reach any hotel or restaraunt is ask for their wifi password.
Then you’ll sit in the hotel room for majority of the time and try to stream GOT final episode or watch Vijay Tv-saravanan meenakshi online.
Then you’ll sit and make atleast 34 office-calls/day about that one document that must be dispatched immediately.
Then you’ll go through your entire newsfeed and do your usual stalking routines.
Aah Vacations! :’)

But somehow at the end of some vacations, you feel different.

I do.

I had a lot of fun, inevitably learnt a few things,Bonded with my bruh-(trying not to sound awkward/cheesy) and became slightly less confused about certain things, And maina made some vera-level friends who became my bali-family.

you know, Sometimes we all need to put waitees to life.But always make sure you like your life So much that the vacation ending doesn’t make you sad. *ThathuvamTime*
P.S: Thanks to those people for not treating me like I was born yesterday afternoon just because they are all way older to me. Nandri hai.
P.P.S:Garam means salt actually, I said sugar for the sake of the joke. pliss to forgive factual inaccuracy .

Now go! go on a  vacation somewhere! and don’t forget to put scene on the day you’re back saying youre”Experiencing jet lag” even if you just went to Srilanka!

And Check out  “This guy’s on his own trip!” on Fb.